


After the Sun Burns Down

by kaminikaku



Category: KAT-TUN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Science Fiction, Angst, M/M, Misunderstandings, Science Fiction, Second Chances
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:02:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 21,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25897144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaminikaku/pseuds/kaminikaku
Summary: Jin Akanishi survives the emergency awakening procedure, only to discover that the galaxy has changed while he has been in stasis. When is love not enough? If being together with the one you love will cost lives, can you make that choice? Now that everything has fallen apart, Jin Akanishi and Kazuya Kamenashi must find out whether choices made for them in the past really do define their future, and if they can make a second chance amidst the chaos.
Relationships: Akanishi Jin/Kamenashi Kazuya
Kudos: 3





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally written and posted as part of the 2012 Kizuna exchange on LJ.
> 
> This fic is very very AU. Small spoiler for character death but not Jin/Kame. Some violence, high stakes and profanity, but the circumstances probably warrant it. The science in this may be very wonky, as it is based only on a very thorough reading of many science fiction films, books and television shows like Star Trek, Babylon 5, Star Wars and Firefly. So... technobabble...but the techno may be but babble. Basically, if you think of a typical Star Trek sci-fi type episode, aspects of this will seem very familiar … It was written for lj user alienashi, I hope you enjoy this! I'm sorry about the lack of explicitness, but that's not really my bag … so apologies there! In a way you also sparked this plot line by a throw away line in response to a question about the current circumstances... you said “not at the cost of lives” and a little plot bunny was born, which somehow became this.

The alarms are screaming; he can't tell if they are inside his head or not. It feels like they are, the loud klaxon sound drilling into his head, and making his stomach contract in its rhythm.

“Damn it Jin! Open your eyes! That's a goddamn order.”

They are. He thinks they are, but it is so dark … He forces his eyes open again, and this time shadows swirl in front of him, and bile climbs high into his throat.

“Move. Now. Get up.” 

That voice again. It won't leave him alone. What the fuck is happening to him?

“I said move! Damn you. Move.” 

Who the fuck is talking to him like ... A hand grabs his shoulder and pulls him forward. Instinctively his body rolls with the movement, and his stomach is now heaving vertically as well as horizontally.

“Jin. Please.”

He forces his eyes open again, and recoils backwards as Nakamaru's face swims before him. Which is not possible. He was never going to see Nakamaru again. How ...

“That's it. Come with me. Move.” Maru yanks him out of the chamber, and he falls forward onto his knees. He is rather viciously happy that he manages to throw up on Maru's boots rather than on himself. Maru ignores it, and instead heaves him up onto his feet, holding his shoulders in an iron grip. “Listen to me, Jin. Focus. We have no time. You have to do what I say.”

None of this makes any sense, and his head is pounding harder now that he is standing, and oh fuck he should not be capable of standing so soon after stasis, and Maru shakes him again and this time he does throw up on himself. Just a little bit.

“You are awake. I had to wake you. It's all gone to hell, and I need you to focus. Can you hear me?”

“Yes.” He manages to force the words past his dry lips. “What the fuck happened?”

“Everything.” Maru grimaces. “The ship has been compromised, there has been a hull breach across multiple decks, and we are barely keeping life support going.”

“We need to evacuate the ship.” He sways and Maru steadies him with a hand against his chest while he gulps down a few deep breaths. “We need to get everyone off.”

“Not yet.” Maru pulls him towards the doors, then props him up against the wall. “We can't evacuate yet. We need to find somewhere to evacuate too.” He pulls the emergency kit down from the wall with one hand, and a grabs a crow bar with the other. “I'll explain everything I promise. Later.” Jin's hands close around the crow bar that Maru shoves at him. “We need to find any other stasis survivors. I've initiated the emergency awakening procedure, but... it's not working and it's taking too long. We need to get them out now.”

Jin nods and staggers forward. “I'll go check the...”

Maru stops him. “This bay has been cleared.”

“It can't have been, there are normally 5,000 transport units in here....” Jin is staring across the cargo bay, finally taking in the rows of damaged units, the shattered Plexiglas covers, the status lights blinking red showing the occupant was dead. A sea of red. As far as he could see. “How many survived?”

Maru presses his shoulder briefly and pulls him through the door. “One. You.”

It still isn't making a lot of sense. His stomach is finally settling down, and his legs are obeying the command to move, but his mind is having problems adjusting. Maru keeps talking at him, and some of it made sense, emergencies and wakening protocols and getting out, but … What had happened?

He stops.

Maru yanks his arm and pulls him stumbling down the corridor. “I know it makes no sense. I know you want to know what's going on. I will brief you on everything later, but now, we need to clear the bays and save as many as possible.” Maru presses a button and waits as the lock on the door disengages. “There are eighteen possible survivors in here. Find them. Open the chamber, get them out, get them moving. Wake them any way you can. We only have ten minutes before we lose access to this deck.”

“Why?” Jin asks, his mind latching onto the last thing Maru said.

“The outer shields are failing, and they won't last much longer. We've routed all available power through to the shields, but they will fail if we keep trying to cover all decks. There are too many perimeter breaches for them to last. We need to get everyone onto the upper decks and abandon these ones.”

Jin nods. That made sense – and the static klaxon alarms were ringing because there was no power for the normal warning systems. Which meant things were really really bad.

“That's right,” Maru says, and Jin realises he had spoken out loud.

The door opens, and Maru points to the left. “Hurry.”

It is horrific. The other bay had been remarkably intact compared to this one. The lines of red lights are the same, but here the broken chambers have been strewn across the floor, and they are having to fight their way over bodies, jagged Plexiglas, twisted metal and all for nothing. They are too late. Jin watches as five lights turn from green to blinking red before he could reach them, he can hear Maru swearing as he experiences the same. Then he sees it, one steady green light; Jin is running towards it even as he is yelling at Maru for help.

The debris around the chamber weighs nothing as far as he can tell in his rush towards the chamber, clearing a path to get there as quickly as possible. Still green, still green. The lid is twisted and the Plexiglas cracked but it hasn't shattered, so just maybe, this one ... this one person …would be ok.

Between them they open the chamber, and Jin is scanning the display log, checking vital signs. Respiratory compromised, heart rate falling, core temperature steady but not rising as it needed to, but there seems to be some minimal brain activity at least.

The light blinks, and the heart rate flatlines. 

“No!” 

Jin drives his fist against the chest cavity, there is no time for finesse, he needs to get the heart pumping.

The light flickers then the green glow subsides slowly to be replaced by red, but the other vitals don't change. “Come on, wake up,” Jin says, unbuckling the restraints, and shrugging off Maru's attempts to help.

“Jin.”

“We got one,” Jin says. “We got him.”

“Jin.”

The core body temperature is falling quickly now. That means the awakening process is not working, but surely... Jin looks up at the face as he thumps the chest once more, and freezes.

“No.”

Their eyes are opening and closing, in one second bursts. Open and close, open and close. He checks the vital signs log, and they match the brain activity logs. Only an echo. Reflexive muscle spasms.

“No.”

He thumps the chest again, hoping to spark something into life, even as his brain refuses to believe that there is nothing more he can do for him.

“Let him go, Jin.” Maru's voice is compassionate. “He's gone. I'm sorry.”

“He can't be.”

“He is. The process wasn't completed. He got close, but he didn't make it.”

Jin pushes hard against the chest, and the sudden snap of a broken bone shocks him. He broke the ribs? He stumbles backwards and as he does so, his brain finally realises why Maru's voice is softly compassionate. The kanji label on the chamber, the eyes, the face, he knows who this is. 

Was. 

Is.

Tomohisa Yamashita.

“General Nakamaru, the protective shields on Deck E will fail in approximately 2 minutes.” The robotic voice echoed in the metallic space. “Please evacuate Deck E immediately.”

“Time to go Jin.” Maru's grip is like iron around his wrist.

“Can't leave him.”

“You have to.”

“He might...”

Maru shakes his head. “He won't. We have to go now.”

Jin looks away from Yamashita's eyes and sees Nakamaru's determination. “Why?”

“I need you. I can't do this alone.”

Jin shakes his head, and Maru punches him. Once. Hard on his left shoulder. “Move. Now.”

Jin follows.

**

Maru leads him through the corridors and pushes him up an evacuation ladder to Deck D, and they make it off Deck E with fifteen seconds to spare, according to the computer system. Jin can feel the blood pumping in his veins, adrenaline surging and knows that his mind is slowly asking questions that he doesn't want to face. He closes his eyes and then forces them open quickly. Too similar. Not now.

Maru had promised to explain everything, but right now, he doesn't want to know, but he can't just stand here either. He needs to do something. Anything. So he doesn't think about it.

“General Nakamaru, I require your presence on the bridge. I have detected a large unknown array, similar in size and density to an asteroid belt, and require permission to alter course.” The computer sounds as calm and unflappable as any Fleet drill computer, but this was not a drill.

“Permission granted. Do whatever it takes to keep us out of danger.”

“I'm sorry Sir. The four most effective course of action will require the redistribution of all life support systems for a minimum of approximately eighteen minutes. This action requires executive approval.” The voice sounded almost apologetic.

“Fine,” Maru snaps. “On my way.” He forces open an access panel and seconds later a schematic of the ship is glowing on the wall. “Jin, there is one more bay that needs to be checked. Here, Deck D, aft side. It's a smaller number, only twenty or so chambers. I haven't been able to get any data on survivors. They were in deep stasis, so some might have been protected a little, but most are unlikely to have survived the emergency awakening. I need you to check on them.”

Jin nodded. “I can do that.” He could. Something he could do.

“Deck D will fall next. You probably have half an hour to get there, and check them.” Maru presses a small flat disc against his shoulder. “Deck D is harder to monitor than Deck E was, so you might not have as much warning when the shields are collapsing. Keep your eyes open, and leave when I tell you to. No matter what happens, I want you alive.”

Jin nods.

“I mean it Jin. Your life is the most important at the moment. Go.”

Maru is turning away when the question leaves Jin's lips. “Why were these chambers kept separate?”

Maru didn't turn back, but Jin could see from the way his shoulders slumped the answer was not easy. “They were kept separate because they were … are ... Star Riders. The last of them.”

**

Running helps. The movement is causing his heart to pump the blood quickly through his body, and as his respiratory system works hard to keep the air in his lungs and with his blood pumping, he is thinking and moving, and once the thoughts start, he can't stop them.

He was on a ship. 

He shouldn't be on a ship.

He hadn't seen the schematic of the ship before. He should have if he was going to be on it.

They were in space. He shouldn't be in space. Not like this.

Maru was there. Maru was meant to be leading an expedition to one of the moons in the Spica constellation to see if it was suitable for colonisation. He wasn't meant to see Maru for another forty years, if then. How was he here?

The ship was crippled, and the shields were failing. They needed to evacuate all survivors as soon as possible. Maru said they needed to find somewhere to evacuate. There was always somewhere to evacuate.

Pi was dead. Pi was dead.

The last thing he remembered was ... his crew being assigned back to Earth for the Academy jubilee celebrations. 

What the hell was going on?

5,000 troops dead in his bay. The same in the other bay. A whole battle frigate's population. So many. Gone. They were gone. What if his crew was also … Don't go there now. Focus.

Still a chance. Still a chance there could be others. Star Riders. Hurry. Hurry.

The doors slide open as he runs towards them, a good sign, surely. The computer is telling him that no life signs have been detected, that the shields in this area should hold for another twenty minutes, and Jin acknowledges the update.

He slides to a stop just inside the door and looks around, realising this room is set up differently to the others. This was not a transport room for normal stasis occupants, and the chambers were deeper and longer, and the occupants were wearing heavier suits, with black out visors and helmets to ensure no light, artificial or otherwise would reach them. These suits were normally used only for long term exploratory stasis, crews that needed to be put so deeply into stasis that they would survive journeys that were decades long. The status panels were hopeful, he could see green lights on almost half of them. He wouldn't acknowledge what the red lights meant at the moment.

The report to Nakamaru was short, a quick head count, ten possible survivors. No names posted over the chambers, no real surprise there, as the individual identities and ranks of Star Riders were one of the most closely guarded secrets in the military. Each Star Rider was deemed to be as important as their fellow ones, so each was deemed equally vital. Maru told him to get as many out as he could, and then gave him the bad news. The Star Riders were placed in an area that was not designed for long term stasis chambers, so didn't have much protection. There was only one small utility hall between the secondary hull of the ship, and this area. The hull had already been breached, and the shields were unstable. If the shields failed, this area would not have much warning.

“How will the emergency awakening procedure have affected them?” Jin asks.

“I don't know,” Maru replies. “We have never initiated emergency awakening for deep stasis travellers before. Theoretically it was too dangerous for them, which is why we have always followed the standard procedure, so ...” Jin could almost see the helplessness shrug in his answer. “If they physically survived the trauma of the awakening procedure commands, and the power has held up long enough to assist that transition to waking, they may regain consciousness. If not, they'll remain in hibernation until the power to the chamber stops. So, all we can do is haul those still alive up onto the next Deck and hope.”

“Understood. I'll do what I can.” Jin looks around the huge chambers, trying to identify the likeliest survivor in the sea of black metal and grey Plexiglas. “Do you know who they are?”

“No,” says Maru honestly. “I wasn't briefed on their identities.”

“Understood. Whoever I can physically move I will.” Jin turns to the line of chambers, and realises one side has six in a row with green status lights. That side must have had a greater consistency of power flowing through, that would explain why there were six … He opens the first chamber, and jumps as his own face suddenly stares back at him. Only a reflection in the helmet, that's all. The status panel begins to beep faster as the heart rate of the Star Rider speeds up. That was surely a good sign?

The buckles on the straps are stiff and his fingers are clumsy as they try to unbuckle them, but finally they give way, and he tries to haul the body out of the chamber. “Come on, you could help me,” he says, and doesn't really expect an answer. The body bows toward him, and then snaps back, held fast by an oxygen delivery tube attached to the back of the helmet. It comes free fairly easily, and Jin manages to get the guy onto his shoulders, and carry him out into the hallway.

He slumps against the wall, and Jin checks if he is breathing. Chest is rising and falling, shallow but there. Ok.

“How many left?”

Jin doesn't hit the roof, but it is a close run thing. His heart feels like it is beating hard enough to explode though.

“If you can get them out of the chambers, I'll load them onto this transporter and get them to my medical bay.” Junno snaps his fingers. “Move move, we don't have much time.

”“Junno?” Jin stammers. Doctor Junnosuke Taguchi? How was he here? Was this ship full of people he studied with at the Academy? What are the odds on ...

“Maru told me that you might need help. How many green status do we have?”

“Ten, including this one.”

“I can carry five at a time in this thing. Ah, you left the helmet, good idea that should help transition from one environment to another. Ok. Let's get them out.”

Jin nods. Stares. Nods again.

Junno pushes him back towards the door. “Go on.”

Jin nods, and runs back through the doors. The bodies are heavy, and by the time he has carried another four out, the last chamber in that row has gone from green to red. He can't let himself think too much about that right now. Can't think of them as a person. Just a chamber. Red or green. Green light open and carry. Red light, move on to the next green.

Junno is stacking them alongside each other on his transporter, a long bedded trolley type thing.“That looks like it belongs in a warehouse,” Jin says.

Junno manages a quick smile at him. “It does. It was the only thing I could think of to use. All the medical transporters were lost in the explosion. So, we use what we can?” Junno tests the weight. “I'll move them to Deck C, then come back for you and the rest of them.”

“Ok.” Jin nods. “We should get warning before the shields fail.”

“Though maybe not much.” Junno frowns at him. “Work as quick as you can, ok?”

“Yeah,” Jin answers and hurries back inside. Three green lights left. As he crosses the floor, two of them suddenly blink and change to red.“No! Why! Fuck!” He bangs on the lids, shouting at them, but the lights remain stoically red. He turns and hauls open the only remaining green lit chamber in that row, and yanks the oxygen tube away hurriedly. “Come on, you are not going to die on me. Wake up. Wake up, damn you.” He might have been imagining it, but he thought the figure was stirring a bit. “That's it. Open your eyes. Come on, fight!” He pulls the body onto his shoulders, and stands up quickly. This guy was shorter and lighter than most of the others, so he was able to move quickly.

Junno had disappeared down the corridor, and Jin hesitates. Where should he go? He doesn't want to leave this guy here, but he doesn't know where the medical bay is, and he needs to double check that there is no one else left alive back there. Time is running out … but he hasn't heard from Maru, so maybe the shields are holding? He looks down the corridor. Junno went that way, maybe he should take this one down towards the corner. There must be an elevator down there, Junno would need one to shift that trolley thing between Decks.....Jin moves quickly, carrying the Star Rider on his shoulders. It's not far, he turns a corner, and finds the elevator Junno must have used. He calls it, and waits impatiently. His stomach is churning a bit, and he wants to get out of there, but something is telling him he needs to check that room one last time.

The elevator door opens, and Jin carefully places his Star Rider in the corner, propping his head against the wall. “Wait here,” he orders. The Star Rider doesn't respond verbally, but Jin sees him raise a hand in what could be interpreted as a thumbs up gesture.

Jin runs back down the hall, and into the room. He counts the red lights automatically, scanning back and forth across the room for any trace of green. He can't see any. All he can see is red.

“Is there anyone in here?” he calls, and then feels foolish.

Until a few frantic thumps answer him, and for the second time in less than twenty minutes he feels his heart leap into his throat.

“Jin? Are you there? Jin?” Maru's voice suddenly echoes around him, and Jin was not sure how his heart manages to jump again, but it does.

“Yes, I just found...” Jin starts, but Maru cuts him off.

“The shields are failing. You have 3 minutes to get out. Maybe less. Get out now.”

“But ...”

“Out!”

“Where are you?” Jin calls desperately. He can't see any signs of...all the lights are red... There! No light. A chamber, but no light. “Hold on!”

He gets closer, and hears another thump. “I'm here, I see you.” The thumps are speeding up, getting more frantic, and Jin rips the chamber open. “Got you!” The Star Rider is still strapped into the chamber, but has managed to free his hands enough for movement. Thank god, he's somehow still alive. “Can you hear me?” He moves his head a little, which Jin takes as a yes. “Ok. I'l get you out.” Jin releases him, and yanks the oxygen cord away. The Star Rider claws at his helmet, but Jin bats his hands away. “Helmet stays on. Doctor's Orders. Let's get the hell out of here.” 

He stumbles backwards pulling the other guy with him. “Can you walk?” he asks, as the Star Rider's knees buckle. “Guess not.”

“60 seconds, Jin where the hell are you!” Maru is sounding very pissed off.

“On my way,” Jin snaps, then grabs the Star Rider's arms and pulls him onto his back. “Hang on.”

Jin sprints as quickly as he can down the hallway, it's not easy but adrenaline gives him the extra kick needed. He rounds the corner and whoops as he sees the elevator doors are still open. He throws himself and his passenger into the elevator, and slams the button to shut the doors. The Star Rider is struggling against him, sliding towards the floor. Jin lets go, and before he can choose a button, any button, the elevator is moving upwards.

“Can't see. Can't see.” The Star Rider is fumbling with the helmet, and Jin drops to his knees beside him.

“The Doctor said to keep the helmet on,” Jin says, pulling the hands away.

“Can't see. Get it off.” The tone is determined, and Jin hesitates, then agrees.

“Ok.” He sees the release mechanism, and the helmet comes away with a rush of compressed air.

Oh fuck.

Can't be.

Kazuya Kamenashi.

It is.

His eyes are wide and wild, and his face is pale, and his hands are clawing at his eyes, and Jin can suddenly see blood. 

“Stop that!” Jin catches Kame's wrists, and pulls; his fingertips are daubed red. “Calm down. You'll be ok.”

“I can't see. Why can't I see? Where am I? What happened?” Kame's head is turning to the left and then right, eyes moving around desperately.

“Easy now,” Jin says, keeping a firm grip on his wrists. “Listen to me. Can you hear me?”

Kame nods.

“Ok. You were in deep stasis. Deep long range stasis. You are on a ship. Something happened to the ship, something bad. Emergency evacuation level bad. They activated the emergency awakening procedure on everyone, including you, maybe an hour ago. You've only been coming out of stasis for an hour at most.” Kame is breathing heavily, and Jin tries to keep him calm. “That's probably why you can't see. We are evacuating to another deck. Ok. We'll go straight to the medical bay. Junno will look after you.” Jin keeps his voice calm and even, and feels his own pulse growing steady as Kame's movements still and his blank gaze drops to where he probably thinks Jin's face is. “We're almost there. Steady.”

“Junno?” Kame asks.

“Junnosuke Taguchi.”

“I know him,” Kame says. “We were at the Academy together.”

Jin says nothing. This is a minefield and he doesn't know what he can say, or can't say, and Kame is looking at him, and a puzzled little frown is settling on his mouth, and fuck he needs to say something. “He's a great doctor. You are in good hands,” he says and then cringes. Really, was that the best he could come up with?

“Have we met before? Your voice sounds familiar,” Kame asks, and Jin swallows and wonders how he can answer that question without lying, or causing the next galactic war to break out.

“Um,” he says eloquently, then realises the elevator is slowing. “Hey, we must be approaching Deck C.” He staggers to his feet and away from Kame.

“We are?” Kame asks. “Where are you going? Wait. Wait!” Jin feels the way the sudden crack in Kame's voice claws at his heart and then sinks all the way down to his toes. “Wait. Don't leave me.”

“Steady,” Jin leans forward and rests a hand on Kame's shoulder. “It's ok. You'll be fine.”

Kame takes a deep breath, and Jin feels that one all the way to his toes as well. “Wait. Wait, please.” Kame's hand stretches out and clutches at Jin's arm. “I'm Lieutenant Colonel Kazuya Kamenashi, Star Rider Corps.” He waits.

“I'mjin.” Jin swallows, then tries again. “I'm Jin. Colonel, Celestial Defence Forces.” 

Before he can say anything more, the doors open and Junno's concerned face is peering in at them, and his eyes widen in recognition. “Kazuya!” Junno drops to his knees, and immediately begins waving his scanner over Kame's body, checking for injuries.

“Junno?” Kame asks, and is rewarded with a confirmatory thump to the chest. “I can't see. I can't see anything.”

“Really?” Junno asks calmly, but Jin can tell by the way he swings the scanner up and peers worriedly at the screen that he is not happy to hear that. “Well, it could be the after effects of stasis. Let's get you checked out. Do you think you can walk?” Kame half nods, and Junno gently pulls him to his feet. “This way. Oh and Jin, if you can help our other guest there?” Junno's voice floats back over his shoulder, and he doesn't wait to see Jin nod.Jin turns to the other occupant of the elevator, and is surprised to see the helmet moving slowly from side to side. 

“Are you awake?” he asks.

The snort he receives in return is not exactly the answer he was after. Nor was his reply. “Is it too much to ask you to help me with my helmet visor, Bakanishi?”

Jin recoils, the tone and the name very very familiar. “Ryo?”

“Yeah.”

Jin reaches out and hits the switch and Ryo's visor retracts.

“How are you?” Jin asks helplessly.

“I've been better.” Ryo stares at him. “I'm glad you are alive.”

“Me too,” Jin says, then clarifies as Ryo's eyes narrow, “I'm glad that you are alive too.” Ryo nods, then winces. “We should get you to sick bay.”

“I don't seem to be able to move my legs.” Ryo admits through gritted teeth.

“Not even a bit?”

“No.”

“Ok.” Jin moves closer, and carefully pulls Ryo up from the floor. “I guess I have to carry you.”

“Yes.”

Jin smiles. “Promise I won't tell anyone.” He gently loops his arms around Ryo, and hoists him up. “Quick as I can.”

As they leave the elevator, Ryo says quietly, “You didn't tell him your name.”

“How could I?” Jin asks.

“He would want to know.”

“I know.” Jin hesitates. “I know he would and I want to but I don't think I ... I can't tell him.”

Ryo is silent, then sighs. “I'll keep your secret.”

“Thank you.”

“For now. Only for now. We may discuss this again later.”

“Somehow I knew you were going to say that.”

**

Jin slumps in a chair, and takes three deep breaths. Then another three deep breaths. Maru will arrive soon, and he needs to get things as clear in his own head as he can. Maru promised to tell him what was going on, but he needs to know what is going on in his own head as well. Whatever he knows, he needs to have clear. His mind feels fuzzy, even fuzzier than usual. It might just be the after effects of stasis, but he needs to try.

His last clear memory from before. What is it? His memory keeps skidding around events, and he keeps wondering about the chronology. Childhood memories were fine, the Academy memories were crystal clear as ever, and his early career as well, all the way up to the last week. He kept latching onto something and then it led somewhere else, and he got confused. He is a Colonel in the Celestial Defence Forces, last stationed on patrol in Sigma Cluster, and recalled to Earth for … what? Recalled to Earth. Dress Uniforms. Anniversary. Jubilee Anniversary of the Academy. 1800 years. That was it, his ship had been recalled to Earth to participate in the anniversary celebrations for the Academy. Three days of celebrations, soft white cotton gloves and shiny boots and medals pinned on his chest. Reunion with some of his classmates, drinking shots, and avoiding him. Shaking hands with the President of the Galaxy Human Planets Alliance, telling her she had beautiful eyes, Pi elbowing him in the ribs to get him moving. Kame smiling and laughing and grinning and happy and always surrounded by other people. Ryo helping him up when he fell of a barstool.

New Hawaii. After that he was meant to be on vacation in New Hawaii. A month, and then rejoin his ship at the transfer point near the Halley beacon. Damn it he had been looking forward to that vacation. So how had he ended up in Stasis and on a military ship in the middle of who knows where with people he had trained with?

He definitely has some questions for Nakamaru.

**

Junno raises his hand, and the orange light moves slowly across Kame's face, then hovers over his left eye. “Can you see a colour?”

“No.” All he can see is black. An vast, sweeping, unrelenting expanse of black. No light. No colour.

Junno adjusted the light and it split in two, with a beam of light now hovering over each eye. It quickly became incandescent.

“How about now?”

Kame blinks, concentrates and finally frowns. “No. Nothing.”

“I see.” Junno realises what he has said. “Sorry Kazuya, that wasn't the most appropriate thing to say.” 

Kame forces a small smile, and unseen, Junno grimaces and shares a glance with Maru. “Could have been worse, knowing your puns. What's wrong with me?”

Junno shuts the light off, and places a hand on Kame's shoulder. “The tests I have run all point to the same diagnosis. Your blindness relates to oxygen toxicity, which is something we haven't really treated for centuries. Basically, your body was exposed to elevated oxygen levels for an extended period of time at partial pressure, and that exposure has damaged the retina. Kazuya, it's one of the first issues that was addressed for human space flight, and the protocols and procedures put in place are so extensive, I struggle to see how this happened.”

“Jin said there was no status light on his chamber,” Maru speaks softly from the other side of the bed. “If the monitoring system failed, could the chamber have been flooded with oxygen?”

“Yes. That's possible.” Junno nods. “We have never done an emergency awakening from deep stasis, and there are so many ways it could have gone wrong. I am surprised you were able to walk into this room, let alone converse. Then again, you are a Star Rider, your training and physical conditioning would have helped. Everything else I've tested is coming back perfectly fine, so the only damage appears to be your eyes.”

“Is it permanent?”

Junno hesitates, then admits, “I don't know.”

“Can you fix it then?” Kame's voice is resolutely even and controlled.

“Not immediately. The damage is quite severe, and it's been so long since we dealt with any oxygen toxicity case let alone one this serious, that the medical bots we have aren't programmed to sufficiently heal the damage. I promise Kazuya, I will work on reprogramming them, but it will take time.” He took a deep breath. “And I can't promise that your sight will be restored.”

“I understand,” Kame says and a small part of him is screaming inside. “When can I get out of here?”

“I want to keep you under observation for 24 hours.” Seeing that Kame was about to protest, Junno hurries to add, “I know that would require tying you to the bed, so can I have 6 please? Just to be sure. Rest if you can. Although you have been resting in stasis, your system has been through the wringer to get it out of stasis, and you need to build up some energy reserves.”

“Fine.” Kame nods and closes his eyes. “Six hours. Then I am out of here.”

Maru places his hand on Kame's unencumbered shoulder. “When you are out, please report to the Bridge. I'll update you on what's been going on.”

Kame nods again and keeps his eyes closed, and Junno and Maru take that as their cue to leave him.

Junno walks Maru to the door, and steps out into the corridor with him.

“How are we doing? Really.” Maru asks.

“It could have been worse, and it could have been a lot better.” Junno runs a hand through his hair in frustration. “Jin was completely fine, the process worked on him without any issues, but he's the only one. Kame is also physically fine, with the exception of being blind. Truthfully, I don't know if I can restore his sight.” 

Maru nods. “We cross that bridge when we get to it.”

“As for the others, well Ryo Nishikido is awake, talkative and alert, and has full control over his respiratory system. He doesn't have full motor control over his limbs yet, his nervous system is repairing itself more slowly, but the scans show it is happening. He should be fine in another two hours or so, I've given him some boosters to help with that. We lost three in here, they had the opposite problem to Kazuya as they went too long without sufficient oxygen and the brain damage was too massive to repair.” 

Maru nods, his eyes solemn in understanding.

“The rest of them are in various stages of the waking process, but still technically comatose. Koki Tanaka is in the best shape, he's still unresponsive but seems to be in a waking coma and the scans show him to be stable. Yuu Yokoyama is in a vegetative state, but scans show that he is responding to some stimuli. Takahisa Masuda is in the most danger. He is in the deepest level coma, is not responding to any stimuli and his scans showed that he did suffer heart failure. I can repair that damage but...whether he wakes up or not?” Junno raises his hands helplessly. “I'm sorry Maru, I just don't know. The procedure has never been done before, we have no test cases to refer to, and they all are suffering to different extents.”

“Just do your best Junno. It's all I would ever expect you to do. All anyone can expect you to do.” He looks into the medical bay, and frowns at the sight. “That any of them made it out alive is miraculous.”

“Yes.” Junno slumps against the wall. “When you told me that Jin was alive I thought there was no more room for hope, but to get five of the Star Riders out is just...” He trails off.

Maru nods. “Keep me posted. I have to brief Jin now, bring him up to speed.”

Junno looks worriedly into his medical bay. “How are we going to handle that? What does Ka..”

“Normally,” Maru cut Junno off. “We handle Jin normally.” He emphasises the name, and his gaze shifts from Junno to Kame inside the room. “Jin will be a great help to all of us, and we need him to move freely between all of us. Jin can handle it.”

Junno nods, but still looks uneasy. “You know how I feel about it, I didn't like it then either.”

“I know. This might actually be a chance to resolve it. It will have to be, there's no way around it. At least this time there are no outside forces or agendas.” Kame shifts on his bed, and Maru steps closer to whisper in Junno's ear. “They'll get a chance to see what the other really wants. Maybe this time, they will get a chance to work it out together. Whatever they decide to be, it can be their decision. Theirs alone. Given everything that has happened if the only good thing that comes out of it is these two finding each other again, that's something.”

Junno nods. “I understand.”

Inside the medical bay, Kame has his eyes closed and is concentrating on their conversation, but he can hear anymore of their whispered conversation. Something is niggling at the back of his mind, and he knows he can trust his instincts. That mysterious Jin. Whatever had made him mysterious to Kame apparently applied to others as well. Junno knew him, Maru knew him. Did Ryo? Them? This time? Agendas? Who did they mean? He files that question under things to do later, and pretends to be asleep as Junno enters the room. He is good at solving mysteries after all. 

**

“Why aren't I in New Hawaii?” 

Maru stares at him and then bursts out laughing. “Out of everything you could have said, I would never have predicted that.”

Jin glares. “That's the last thing I remember. I made it through the Academy anniversary celebrations and then I was going to New Hawaii.” He points at the ship around them. “This is not New Hawaii.”

“No it's not.” Maru looks wistful for a moment. “New Hawaii....sounds rather tempting right now.” He sits on the seat beside Jin. “What exactly is the last thing you remember?”

Being hauled up off the floor and sat on a bar stool by Ryo, whose eyes are compassionate as they tell him he needs to find some solution, one that doesn't involve alcohol, for his feelings about Kame because they were destroying his soul? Yeah. Not going to tell Nakamaru that.

“Jin? Nakamaru asks.

“I remember seeing everyone at that final Gala Ball, and then I went and had a drink with Ryo.” A little bit of truth. Maru might be able to read between the lines, he was always good like that. “I was meant to ship out to New Hawaii the next morning.” With Pi. He was meant to be going with Pi. Don't think about that now.

“Yep. You and most of the military forces it seemed.” Maru rubs his nose. “I'm sorry Jin, I don't know how to tell you this. I don't know how to start.” He raises his hands uncertainly. “I just don't.”

“The bad news. Start with the bad news,” Jin says, and laughs at the look on Maru's face. “Maru I can already tell things are bad, just tell me.”

“You have no idea.” Maru says and then holds Jin's gaze with the determination of an old fashioned samurai warrior. “Earth is gone.”

“Gone where?” Jin blinks.

“Gone. Gone Gone. As in, no longer existing. As in, totally destroyed.”

Jin stares.

“Please say something.”

Jin stares.

“Jin.”

Jin stares some more.

“I'm sorry, you are the first person I've had to tell, and I... screwed it up didn't I?” Maru's shoulders slump in defeat. “I've been practising and it still came out wrong.”

“How?” Jin whispers. “How? Why?”

“That's the question I'm still asking as well.” Maru grimaces and his hands clench into fists on the table. “It started the day after the Gala Ball, the first day you can't remember. A fleet approached Earth, they came in past Jupiter and used the Moon's shadow to cloak their approach. They were a consortium, made up of ships from a number of the outlying rim colonies. They said they had a new weapon, one that would kill a planet within hours. They presented a list of grievances to be addressed, and then said they would waive all of them if Earth promised to fund their own military growth. They claimed that they needed to feel secure in their level of preparedness for self defence purposes, but they also wanted access to all our latest military technology. The President refused, said we didn't deal with terrorists and criminals. She offered to address their grievances, but only if a representative of each colony came to the diplomatic table. 

From what we can tell, they argued amongst themselves. The more moderate ones tried to make it happen, saying that was why they were there, the more extreme factions wanted to make a point. In the end, the consortium started to fracture. They couldn't find agreement, and that's what the colonists from the planets along the outer Shadows rim had been waiting for all along. The weapon was on their flagship. They pretended to agree to discuss their list of grievances, and when the moderates had gathered in the Senate on Earth, they seized their chance.

It was never about a ransom demand for Earth. It was about establishing a new order across the Galaxy, one where they held military supremacy. 

They didn't fire the weapon at Earth. That would have only destroyed Earth itself, and would have brought the might of our combined Alliance forces down upon them. They fired it at the Sun. They killed the Sun. Burnt it down.”

“That's impossible, no one has that technology.” Jin is desperate, searching for another answer. “That can't be true. Maru...”

Maru waits for him to run out of words, waits for him to try and process what that means. “They did. They must have been working on it for decades, maybe centuries. They made our sun burn down, pushed it into supernova. It destroyed everything in our solar system through to Jupiter and it's moons.”

Jin stares at Maru, and bites his lip. Maru nods at him, and they sit in silent grief. Jin isn't sure how long he sits there, but his stomach aches and his throat burns and his eyes stay dry. His mind feels like its stuck in a dizzying loop. He understands the words Maru has said, logically understands them, but his heart is having problems with it. If it was true, it was unimaginable. Their home planet, the base from which all the colonies were founded, humanity, their history, their art, everything gone? Impossible. Yet, even as he tried to push the thought away he knew that Maru would never lie to him. That it must be true.

Finally he lay his head on the table, and began to weep.

Maru has no tears of his own left to shed as he watches Jin cry.

“It doesn't get easier, there is still more.” Maru speaks gently, and Jin realises how dry his voice sounds. Stripped of hope and heavy with grief. “Can you hear more?”

Jin nods and keeps his head down, because if Maru can find the strength to say it, he can find the strength to listen.

“I think they intended to kill the moderates along with all the supreme council members of the Alliance. When President Kamenashi told them that the only response they would get was one telling them that they needed to sit down around the table to work this out, she played into their hands. As she opened their meeting, they fired the weapon. They miscalculated slightly though, their weapon didn't ignite the way they planned. Solar storms had redistributed the masses of hydrogen reserves on the Sun's surface, and the weapon struck a relatively cooler spot further from the core. It bought us some time, because the explosion was not immediate, we were able to start evacuating.”

Jin looks up, hope shining in his eyes. 

“Not enough. An hour only. It bought us an hour, which was enough to get some of the population into the air on whatever ships we had. We got maybe 20% of the planet's population off Earth before it happened.”

Jin closes his eyes.

“Most people were lost on Earth, billions wiped out. Others were pulled into the firestorm as they tried to flee. The explosion slowed the further it travelled, which at least gave some of the transport ships a chance to evacuate towards the edges of the Milky Way. Mars got 60% of their population off planet, and Callisto base near Jupiter got 90% out.”

Jin is silent, and Maru pauses to order his thoughts. “It's completely re-ordered the status quo. Refugee ships that survived are trekking across the galaxy, searching for a safe haven but without long range hyperspace engines, it will take years, maybe decades for them to find somewhere. The colonies are still scrambling to form military alliances, find resources and build a base for conquest. It's fucked up, Jin, it's really fucked up.”

Jin looks at him, and Maru flinches in response. Maru has seen that look in the mirror too many times to mistake it. Confusion. Despair. Uncertainty. “Why am I here?” Jin asks. “How did I get here?”

“You were already in stasis,” Maru says gently. “You and a sizeable portion of our celestial forces, because you were all eager to ship out as soon as possible that morning. So we loaded you like cargo onto whatever ships we had and we ran like hell.”

Jin is staring at Maru like he's listening to a story that happened to someone else. It feels so strange and alien. Part of him believes, but a larger part wants to scream and demand that it's not possible. Yet Maru is so calm, and he knows Maru wouldn't lie to him. Not about this.

“We had no planet wide evacuation plans, and it was chaos. Under presidential authority and the seal of the supreme alliance council they did authorise the introduction of a military state of emergency rule galaxy wide to take control, but it didn't work. We were too scattered, and too damaged, and we lost too many high ranking members both military and political for that order to hold once it was clear how much damage there was. It's a shambles.”

Maru punches the table and walks towards the sky screen, looking out into the void of space as Jin recoils. “It's a fucking shambles,” Maru repeats. “Everything we signed up to protect, everything we have ever worked for is gone.” 

Jin stays silent because he doesn't know what to say. He's actually fairly sure there are no words for what he is feeling right now.

“I'm sorry Jin. I can't ... I can't imagine what this feels like for you. It's so much to take in all at once.”

Jin shrugs. He still doesn't have any words. 

Maru nods and walks across the room to stand beside him. He places a small faceted crystal on the table beside Jin. “I put this together, it's a collection of footage and images and reports, and I'm sorry. Please watch it. I don't now what else to say.” He lays a hand on Jin's shoulder and squeezes. “We have to go through this again with Kame and Ryo. Do you mind if I finish telling you about the ship then? With the bottom decks evacuated we've secured the hull on the upper decks for the time being.”

Jin shakes his head trying to get his thoughts straight, realises that Maru is taking that as an answer, and then nods. “That's fine.”

“I'll leave you to watch that. I've told Junno to send Ryo and Kame up in three hours time, earlier if Ryo improves.” He hesitates then lifts his hand from Jin's shoulder. He has no words left either.

Maru leaves and Jin waits, listens to his heart beat thirty seven times before he walks to the wall screen and inserts the crystal. He leans back against the table as the data loads, and then thinks better of it. He sits down. After all, he is sure that whatever the videos show it will be worse than what he could imagine.

Two hours later, the screen has faded to black and Jin hasn't moved. His tears have dried, but the palms of his hands still show the crescents where his fingernails have dug into his skin. 

He hears the door slide open, and Maru calls his name, but he doesn't turn. It's like there is a huge weight on his soul, so heavy that it seems ridiculous to do anything because it will never go away. Maru shakes him slightly, and asks if he is ok. 

Jin just looks up at him.

“Yes, sorry, stupid question.” Maru bites his lip. “And I'm sorry I'm going to ask even more from you now. I need you to stay while I brief Kame and Ryo.” He hesitates. “I don't think I'll get through it again by myself.”

Jin looks into Maru's eyes and nods. Maru has never asked for more than Jin could give, and so rarely for anything for himself that Jin would always agree to it. To distract himself, he tries to think of the last time Maru had asked for something for himself, and all he can think of is Cadet Nakamaru wistfully saying it would be nice to go out and party with Jin ... and Jin of course agreeing to take him out and get him trashed. That bar was gone now. Like the city. Like the country. Like the planet. Fuck.

Behind them, the door slides open.

Ryo and Kame stand there, Kame with his right arm stretched across Ryo's chest to rest his hand on Ryo's right arm, and Ryo has his left arm around Kame's waist. For a small hysterical moment, Jin thinks they are ice skating. 

Ryo says quietly, “Two metres straight ahead. Rounded discussion table and chairs. Turn left, walk one metre. There is a spare chair beside Jin. Maru is waiting for us.”

Kame nods, and Jin realises that Ryo is acting as Kame's eyes and is impressed for a second at the speed and ease of their communication, not that he will ever show any sign of that to Ryo … and then he remembers that they are Star Riders. Relay communication and remote management would have been covered in their training.

They watch as Kame fearlessly walks as instructed to Jin's side. He hesitates then stretches his hand out to seek out the chair.

“Down ten centimetres,” Jin says.

Kame's hand shifts and he settles into the chair beside Jin. “Thank you.” He smiles and Jin feels it down to the pit of his stomach.

Ryo nods at Maru and Jin and sits in a chair on the far side of Jin. “Care to tell us what disaster has befallen us, given you've woken us up?”

Jin grimaces and Maru closes his eyes.

“What?” Ryo looks at one and then the other.

Maru looks helplessly at Ryo, and Jin can almost hear the idea spinning in his head of just blurting out the truth.

“Wait,” Jin interrupts. “Tell them about the colonies consortium fleet arriving first. Start there.”

Maru nods and squares his shoulders. “Ok. What's the last thing you remember? Tell me that, and I'll go from there.”

Jin tunes them out, hearing it once was bad, watching it happen was bad, and he's not really prepared to hear it all again so soon, but Maru only ever asks if it's necessary, and he wants to help him.

He mentally puts himself behind a clear glass pane and watches as Kame's mouth falls open, as Ryo's fists land against the table, as they both demand answers and show disbelief, rage and incomprehension. He can't blame them.

As Maru recites the percentage of losses, Kame's hand creeps towards Jin. Without thinking, Jin takes it and Kame laces their fingers together tightly. Jin raises his free hand and lays it on Ryo's shoulder. There is not a lot he can do, but this ... this he can do.

When Maru explains that they came to be on his ship because they were already hibernating in deep stasis, Ryo nods and Kame looks grim. 

“I don't remember our mission,” Kame says. “I should, but I haven't been able to remember.”

“Neither can I,” Ryo adds. “If we were in deep stasis that should have come back by now.”

“I can't tell you what your mission was,” Maru says. “All I know is that once we had the cargo bays loaded to capacity, another transport arrived with your chambers. You were already in stasis, so you must have been close by when the decision was made to switch ships.” Maru shot a quick look at Kame. “There were only a few other ships left that were close by, and they were all carrying dignitaries so they might have needed extra room for more people. We loaded your chambers into the last space available, the science laboratory on Deck C and then we took off.”

Kame licks his lips. “Who … Did … Is there still a President?”

Maru doesn't grasp exactly what Kame is wondering about but Jin sees in a moment of clarity what Kame is asking. He tightens his grip on Kame's fingers. “President Kamenashi was on one of the last military ships to leave. She was killed when her transport couldn't make the minimum safe distance. I'm sorry Kazuya, your mother is dead.”

Kame bows his head, and Ryo glares at Jin. “Bakani … Idiot! Why tell him like that?”

Maru glares at Ryo in turn. “You think this is easy for any of us? And be careful what words you choose,” he says, gesturing pointedly at Kame who is holding onto Jin's hand steadfastly.

Ryo gives them both an apologetic grimace and then apologises out loud.

Kame takes a deep breath and says, “It's ok. I needed to know.” He looks around and Jin is struck by how lifeless his eyes look. “Just one more piece of bad news.” Jin shifts his seat slightly closer to Kame so that their shoulders brush. He never wants Kame to feel alone, especially not now.

“Actually, I haven't finished yet.” Maru drew their eyes back to him. “There's still more.”

“What could you possibly have left to tell us?” Ryo asks.

“More,” Jin says. “More like why we aren't out there fighting alongside whatever Celestial Defence Forces ships are left?”

“Some of the colonists tried to set up a blockade while we were evacuating the planet. They didn't have enough ships to stop all of us obviously but they tried to target some of our larger military ships. They took out a few completely, and they managed to damage a substantial number. When we arrived a few of the damaged ships were sending out distress calls requesting additional crew to help stabilise shields and provide medical support, so most of the crew from the Queen was sent over to those ships to help them get out of the danger zone and I assumed command here.”

“I was wondering where the rest of the crew was,” Ryo says.

“I kept a skeleton crew, and I mean a skeleton crew. Myself on the bridge and Ueda in Engineering to make sure we could keep the ship running. We discussed long and hard about bringing Junno out of stasis as the ship doctor, and I finally gave in because I was selfish. We both wanted to have him around, and we needed the company. It felt wrong to not have him there, and he was on my list of essential personnel.”

“Tat-chan is alive?” Kame asks, and the joy in his voice is palpable. Jin feels the shudder that runs through Ryo and gives him a supportive and unobtrusive pat.

“Yes,” Maru looks puzzled and then realises, that's another piece of new information. “Yes. Yes, he is. He's fine. In fact, he should be up here soon to present the latest status report.”

Kame grins. “I can't wait to ... ummm... see him,” he finishes.

“He'll be glad to see you,” Maru says smoothly. “Actually Engineering is one of the last things I need to tell you about. As we left Earth the blockade was crumbling, but when they saw we were assisting other ships, they realised our shields were down to allow the shuttles to leave the loading bay, and they hit us. It was a lucky blow more than anything, it didn't hit us full force, but it damaged the hyperspace engines. They work, but can't be used for extended periods of time. We can shift to hyperspace for shorter periods than necessary to complete most journeys but then we need to drop back to normal space to cool the engines. Which means we can't plot a direct course to anywhere without considering where we are going to be making pit stops.”

“Fuck,” Jin says, and hears Kame and Ryo echo his word in stereo.

“Yeah,” Maru agrees. “We are basically one big sitting duck, flying through enemy space, trying to find a safe haven.”

“Why didn't you pull us out of stasis earlier?” Ryo asks. “We could have helped. We could help fly this thing, we could help fight, we could ...”

“Are you questioning my command decision?” Maru fixes Ryo with a stern glare and Ryo subsides.

“No. I just ... Why are you still flying? Why are you still looking? Surely you could send a message?”

“We have a bounty on our heads,” Maru said flatly. “There are very few places left in the galaxy where we will be welcomed with open arms. Our power base is small and stretched very thin. We need to be very certain of our welcome ...” He bows his head. “We can be less certain now.” Maru rubs his hands over his face, and Jin can feel the frustration in the gesture. “Yesterday I was flying almost 10,000 highly trained Celestial Forces warriors in a damaged but still mainly intact latest generation battle ship looking for other ships in our fleet, and today I am flying a dying ship carrying less than 10. We aren't quite the same prize we were yesterday.” 

Before Jin can ask, Maru stands up and began to pace. “We haven't been able to purchase updated star maps or have contact with anyone due to the danger of discovery. When we drop back to normal space, we've been scanning for anything that is out there, anything we can harvest and use for research, news bulletins, advertisements, anything, and then run them through the computer for suggestions. When we dropped out of hyperspace yesterday we ran into an asteroid belt that wasn't marked on our maps. It's either a new asteroid belt, or the remains of a planet, we couldn't tell which. As we came in, we hit it head on, and the shields started to fail. Without the shields radiation started to flood the lower decks. I started the emergency awakening procedure and we evacuated as many as we could.” Maru gestures at them. “You.” 

Kame pulls on Jin's hand, not pulling away but tugging like he wanted to move. “Maru.” Jin realises that Kame wants to go to him, so he silently pulls him up and guides him across, his hand gently nestled in the small of his back. Kame doesn't release him, instead he stretches his free hand out. “Maru, that's not your fault.”

“My ship.” Maru says flatly. “My command. My fault.”

“No.”

“It's true,” Jin says quietly and Kame turns to face him, anger visible in his stance. “It is. You know that's how it works, Kame.” Kame starts to interrupt but Jin squeezes his fingers as a signal to be quiet, and fixes Maru with a flinty stare. “Thank you for keeping us alive, and everyone else alive all this time. Maru, you also did that.” Jin pauses, and sees all at once, the tired lines around Maru's eyes, the silver strands at his temples and the thinness of his wrists. “How long? How long did you keep us alive in stasis?”

Maru shakes his head, and refuses to answer. “Not long enough.”

“Eight years.”

Their heads turn towards the new voice, and Jin smiles at Ueda's arrival.

“He kept us all alive for eight years, and that's more than I expect anyone else would have been able to do. No crew, no support, barely enough supplies for a short cruise between Earth and the Callisto base, and he managed to keep us all alive for eight years. Yes, Maru that is also your fault.”

Ueda strides towards them, and pulls Kame into a hug. “Kame-chan. I'm so glad.” He ruffles Kame's hair and hugs him again. 

Kame grins at him. “Me too.”

Ueda looks at the man standing beside them and his eyes grow wide. “What are ...”

“Jin,” he says smoothly, interrupting the question and holding out his hand. “Please call me Jin. We met many years ago.”

Ueda looks at Maru who nods. “I see. Jin. Good to see you are alive as well.” They shake hands.

“No 'glad to see you are alive too' hug for me, Princess?” says a snarky voice.

Ueda's head turns so quickly Jin fears for his neck, and then Ueda is pushing past him, and throwing himself at Ryo, who is more than happy to indulge him in a very very very happy that they are alive hug.

“You are here?” Ueda is stunned. “Why didn't you tell me?” he asks Maru. 

“I wanted to see your face,” Maru answers. 

Ueda glares.

“I thought Junno would have told you when you checked in with him about routing additional power to the medical bay life support systems for our patients up there,” Maru tries.

Ueda glares.

“I forgot that you didn't know.”

Ueda considers.

“Whatever,” Ueda dismisses it much to Nakamaru's relief. “Yes. We are all here. All of us are here, alive, all of us are here on Queen KAT-TUN. Who would believe it?

“Queen KAT-TUN? Really?” Jin asks.

“Yes. Last commissioned ship of the Human Planets Alliance Celestial Defence Forces and named after a legendary group of Academy cadets in her 1800th anniversary year. I would never have thought we'd all be together on her.”

“We aren't.” Kame says simply, quietly and all eyes turn to look at him. “We aren't all here.”

Silence falls, and Jin meets Ryo and Ueda's gaze. He doesn't know what to say. How to say it. Or even if he should. He only knows that it feels like a blade slices him open as Kame stands there in sadness.

Ueda opens his mouth to say something, but Ryo shakes his head and pulls him closer.

Maru pats Jin and Kame on their shoulders. “Shall we give these two some alone time?” He steers them out of the room, and points down the hallway. “Let's finish this discussion later. We can afford some time to be happy. The Bioarena is down there. Trees and plants and flowers. It's a good place to talk.” He steps back. “I need to check on how our other patients are doing in the medical bay.”

Jin nods as he and Kame are dismissed, then takes Kame's hand in his. Kame looks up at him. “Do you mind, my holding your hand I mean?” he asks.

“No,” says Kame. “Not at all. It's just … Sorry.” He forces a smile. “Strange day. It feels familiar, that's all. Which it can't. So ... strange.”

Jin bites his lip. “Yeah, strange day,” he echoes. “Shall I tell you about the ship as we go?”

“Please,” Kame says. “The more I know, the easier I will be able to find my way around.”

Together they set off down the corridor, Jin's hand locked on Kame's and his voice gentle as he describes the ship, their ship, the Queen KAT-TUN.


	2. Chapter 2

Beside him, Jin stops. “I think this is it.” 

He hears the door slide open, and Jin pulls him into the room. It almost feels like he ran headfirst into a wall, the physical surroundings affect him so forcefully. The air is different here, humid, he can feel the moisture against his skin. The earth, he can smell soil and growth and ripening fruit and there is heat, he can hear … water... his knees start to buckle, and Jin is there, holding him up, hands firm under his elbows, anchoring him.

“Are you ok?” Jin asks in concern. “What's wrong?”

Kame manages to nod. “I'm ok. It's just different. It feels so different to the rest of the ship. Sensory overload.”

Jin murmurs a quiet sound of agreement, but doesn't let him go, thankfully. He's not sure his legs would actually hold him if he tried to move, yeah, not going anywhere for now. He closes his eyes, not that it mattered much, and takes a deep breath for good measure. “Are there.... are there roses?”

“Roses?” Jin looks around. “I can't see any.”

“Are you sure? I think I can smell them.”

“Really? What else can you smell?” Jin sounds curious and amused, like he doesn't believe him.

Ok. Two deep breaths and then he started sorting through what he had. “Apple trees. Roses. Carrots. Tomatoes. Wattle. Moss. Strawberries.” He grimaces. “And rotting compost.”

Jin grins. “Correct on everything except the roses. I can't see any roses.” He cocks his head to the side. “That was amazing. How did you know?”

Kame feels the blush start and tries to pretend that it's not there, because he refuses to acknowledge the fact that he might be blushing. Kazuya Kamenashi does not blush. Ever. “Well ... I … part of ...” Or stammer. What the hell. Get a grip! “Part of Star Rider training. They train us to cope with the loss of one sense or talent by utilising our others. Guess I was lucky that mine was visual deprivation huh? Junno sealed my eyes shut for two months, and I had to do everything I was normally required to do, participate in everything in any way that I could. The first week was awful, but then as time went by I got better at it. Touch and vocal navigation helped, I could visualise spaces better, I could estimate distance from sound and direction, and the scent of different things helped me work out who and where and what was around me. I started to see things in my mind's eye, like a painting always being drawn as little bits of information came in and changed it. I never was entirely comfortable with it, but at least it's coming in useful now, huh?” He laughs a little bitterly. “If I'd known it was advanced preparation for a later injury, I might have asked to change places with Ryo or Yassu maybe.” He forces a self deprecating grin onto his lips. He does not need pity, and so far this Jin has not given him any. 

Jin's throat is dry. He can see that Kame is still processing everything that had happened, but he knows that Kame will never acknowledge that out loud. The key to helping him deal used to be distracting him with other topics, so ... “Why? What did Ryo and Yassu lose?”

Kame tilts his head, and Jin swears that he throws him a grateful look from under his lashes. “Could we maybe sit down first?”

“Sure.” Jin tugs gently on his left arm, and guides him to a bench. “Three seat bench, pots of lavender either side.”

Kame sits. “I can smell that. The plant behind is ….” He sniffs, three time. “Umm … a hint?”

“Also Purple.” Jin smiles and waits. 

“Violets.” 

Jin claps. “So, now tell me what Ryo and Yassu lost?” He has missed this so much. Just hearing Kame talk. This was a chance he had thought he would never have again, and to be here sitting next to Kame … on a day where so many things that counted as unbelievable had happened, all Jin could do now was grasp this as something good and not let go.

“They took away Yassu's ability to distinguish colors. Everything was grey to him. So we tormented him by giving him candy and asking him to only eat the red ones, or the blue ones. I think that cofusion stayed with him a bit afterwards though, because he tends to clash colors in his clothing when he's not in uniform.” Yassu. Probably gone. Don't think about it now. Smile. Keep talking. “I do think that Ryo's was probably the worst of the two. Junno froze his vocal chords so he couldn't speak. They thought about freezing his tongue, but that would have made it impossible for him to eat and the point was to take away his vocal communication only. He got very annoyed.” Jin smiles as Kame smirks. “He kept forgetting over the first couple of days, and would stand there, mouth moving and no sound coming out and the harder we laughed the more he raged.”

“That wasn't very nice of you other Star Riders,” Jin says gravely. “Yet, I can imagine how much fun it was.”

“Kimi nicknamed him Dokkun at the Academy. I think they just wanted to mess with him.”

“Knowing Yokoyama he probably suggested it,” Jin stops. “Or someone else did.” He tries, hoping that Kame won't catch his slip.

“Maybe. They gave everyone different challenges, at different times, so there was never a time when the entire Corps was working at full strength. Designed to make us adaptable.” Kame thinks he might be babbling, but he keeps going. “They keep telling us that the easiest way to become complacent is to assume that everything you can do is always easy, so you need to keep refining, keep training, keep learning.”

“Well, it seems to have worked. At least you can manage like this.” Jin reaches out a hand, then drops it. “Although I hope Junno can find something ...”

“Don't.” Kame says, and Jin looks at him questioningly. “Don't. I can't … Not today.”

Jin nods, then realises. “Sure.”

Silence falls between them, until Kame ventures a question of his own. “What branch of the forces were you? You didn't say.”

“Plain old Armed Forces,” Jin says, and Kame can hear the small smile there, even if he can't see it. “They put me in the advance divisions. My crew basically go in and reconnoitre the area, make contact with the inhabitants, check out if the technology and the social structure matches what our intelligence and reports are saying.”

“You are a spy?”

“Not exactly.” Jin laughs. “Not...well, yes we do go in undercover at times, when we know uniforms or titles will make people uncomfortable or the information harder to get, but we don't run missions or handle runners or things like that. It's more intelligence gathering and analysis.”

“And that's different because?” Kame asks, very seriously and manages to keep a grin at bay.

“My job description says I'm not?” Jin holds up his hands in surrender. “Fine I'm a spy.”

“How did they assign you?” Kame asks. “I thought Intelligence work came out of the Academy roster....I once knew someone who I thought would be great at Intelligence work, but he ...he died...” He trails off.

“I always had an interest in other cultures, in languages and music and people, and that makes me a good fit. They do normally recruit from the Academy, but sometimes they assign from outside as well.” Jin pauses and for a second he almost hopes that Kame will say something. Call him on it. Say it. He doesn't, though. “ You need to be familiar with lots of information, be comfortable communicating in different languages and moving in different circles of people. Be willing to take a chance.” He smiles. “Drink different types of alcohol. Sing songs, dance, do business with anyone and everyone, and not think twice. That kind of thing.”

“Sounds intriguing. I always hoped to be chosen as a Star Rider, so I never really considered any other branches.” 

“Well it's not like you slacked off to become a Star Rider.”

“True. My mother always says that when I was little, I made her alternate my pyjamas. Black one night, white the next...” A sudden wave of grief hits him, and he feels his throat close over and tears sting his eyes. His family was gone; his Father would have been with his Mother, and his brothers were due to travel with them, so they were likely gone as well ... A compassionate hand lands on his shoulder and tugs. Kame folds himself into the hug, and hides his face. Jin thankfully says nothing, just holds him. He doesn't cry, he just needs … someone. 

Someone who will hold him, and he can know that he is not alone. 

Jin holds him, occasionally rubs his shoulder, pats his hair and Kame knows that he should let go, move away, be strong. He's not the only one who has lost family and friends and home and … surely Jin has as well. 

“Did you lose … people?” Kame asks in a whisper. 

“I don't know,” Jin answers. “I must have. I just … I thought if I didn't look, if I didn't know for sure, it might be easier for a while.”

“I don't know if that's true.”

“Probably not, but when I opened the lists, I just … Maru said the lists were incomplete as well, so even if the names aren't there, there is still no guarantee that they are alive, and they must think I am dead already, and ...” 

This time, Kame is the one who tightens his grip, rubs Jin's shoulder and allows him to feel not alone for as long as they both need.

Kame is feeling almost peaceful, his cheek presses against Jin's shoulder and occasionally Jin brushes his hand over his hair. It should feel uncomfortable, and weird, they were strangers, and yet there was a part of him that just accepted this man. Accepted and welcomed and for some reason, that didn't freak him out at all.

“How did you know she was my mother?” Kame asks and feels Jin freeze against him.

“Your mother?” he asks, and Kame can hear the uncertainty.

“You knew the President was my mother. How?” 

Jin is quiet, thinking, and Kame starts to pull away.

“You look the same,” he tries, and Kame shakes his head. “You do,” Jin insists. “You both have these cheekbones and eyebrows and she might be slightly prettier than you, but you both are stunning.” Kame raises one of said eyebrows, and Jin stumbles to a stop, then blurts out, “And you have the same name.”

“Right.”

“The same name clinched it?”

“Of course.”

Jin gives him a few minutes and then says, “Maru gave me a file after he briefed me the first time. News reports and footage, things like that. Your mother made a speech before her ship left.” Kame curls into him a bit closer, but doesn't say anything. “She was amazing. She told the alliance members to stand firm together, that their greatest strength would come from building a shared community with mutual respect and caring. She called on the military to search for and rescue those who needed help, and to pursue stability and peace not vengeance.” He swallows. “She told everyone that no matter what happened, no matter how many survived or what they did, that Earth's legacy was assured and that we would shine until the last star in the last corner of the galaxy died.” 

Kame nods against his shoulder. “What did she look like?”

“I can show you,” Jin says and then realises that Kame won't see, and Kame seems to understand and shakes his head violently.

“No. I can't hear that yet. Please just tell me what she looks like? So I can see it here.” He taps near his right eye, and Jin smooths his hair back.

“Ok. She was wearing a black suit, a black jacket and a pink blouse, and a scarf that had sakura blossoms on it. She was calm and determined and ...” Jin searches for the right word. “Magnificent. She looked like I imagine Empress Himiko looking before she went into battle. She didn't give up.” 

Kame smiles as a tear finally falls. “She wouldn't.”

“She had a pin, right here.” He touches a spot just below Kame's collarbone. “A gold turtle, with ruby eyes.”

“I gave her that. It was a birthday present from the year I graduated as a Star Rider. Giving turtle jewellery to the people you love is a family tradition, and when I made it, I wanted to say thank you, and she said she would wear it. ”

“She kept touching it.” Kame breathes deeply, and Jin tilts his head up so he can see his face. Kame's bottom lip throbs from where he has bitten it, trying not to cry. “She kept it with her,” Jin says, and Kame nods and feels the tears spill down his cheeks. He can feel Jin's gaze on his face, feel him thinking about what to do, and is surprised when Jin presses him close for a moment and then withdraws.

“How about I give you a moment alone? I'll just wander over to the other side for a moment to see what's behind the apple trees.” Kame strains up to follow him, but Jin pushes him back gently. “I'll be back.” 

Kame bows his head, closes his eyes and lets everything happen, lets it swamp him and push him and hurt him. Rage and grief and loneliness and despair, fear and uncertainty and anger and loss – it all seems insurmountable. He has nothing left, everything is gone, nothing is left, and then just the quietest part of his heart keeps saying that isn't true. That he is still alive, that his friends are still alive, Maru and Ueda, Junno and Ryo, Koki and Massu and Yuu. Jin. His fingers slide up and find the small silver earring in his left ear. A silver turtle. He wore it so he would always remember that he had to live, to remember the promise he had made to one who wouldn't. Hitoshi would be disappointed in him. So disappointed.

His fingers stroke the silver, and he makes a new vow. To keep going.

There. Roses. Roses. “I told you there were roses!”

Jin laughs, and Kame feels the soft velvety petals against his cheek. “Yes, you were right, Mr Genius turtle. The roses were hidden at the back behind the apple trees.” The rose presses gently over his cheeks and Kame realises that it's mopping up any trace of tears. “I also found these beside the roses.” Jin waves his other hand in front of Kame, who tries to catch it. “No no. Guess.”

Kame inhales and smiles. “Strawberries.”

“Correct. Open up!” Kame opens his mouth and Jin presses a strawberry between his lips. Kame moans as the sweetness floods his mouth.

“That's amazing.” Jin grins as Kame licks his lips, thinking it was almost indecent how Kame ate strawberries. 

“I thought they could spare one. This place is amazing, they've been using it to supplement food stores I'd say. This must have been how they kept going with only minimal supplies … and another reason why they didn't wake us earlier. They couldn't feed us.” Kame is still licking his lips, and Jin's finding it rather distracting.

“Give me another one.”

“A strawberry? I only brought one back … What's wrong?”

“An idea. Maybe. What type of strawberries are they?”

“Um... a strawberry?” Jin suggests.

“Idiot.” Kame slaps his head, and clutches his shoulder. “Take me to them.”

Jin slides an arm around him and leads him across the space, past the vegetables, under the trees and finally there are the strawberries. “Here. Strawberries.”

“What do they look like?” Kame asks, and before Jin can respond adds, “Do not say strawberries.”

“Red. Fruit like strawberries. Green leaves. Pink flowers with red centres. Strawberries.”

“Special strawberries. Only found at one settlement in one system. Earth strawberry flowers are white with yellow centres.” The name. He needs the name. “I can't remember the name. Give me another strawberry.”

Jin leans in and presses another strawberry against his lips. He had no objection to watching Kame eat another strawberry regardless of its origin. “Here.”

Kame chews, swallows and thinks. Sweet, large, pink flowers, why were the flowers pink, they made the tea sweeter, and he drank the tea for Tanabata, which was because of the legend of Vega and Altair. Altair. Altair. There was a colony in that system.

“I need a star map. I need to see a star map. I need to see the Altair system.”

“Kame, you can't ...”

“I need it, Jin! There might be a place for us to go. Somewhere to evacuate to, we need that. I need to see a star map!”

“Right,” Jin says, as if there is no problem with that at all, apart from the fact Kame is blind and not able to see and he doesn't have a star map. Jin at least knows he can access a star map from the computer as necessary... but how was that going to help Kame see? Wait.

Jin grabs a rake and pulls Kame towards a large container of soil, that by the looks of it had been freshly planted. If the ship was really dying underneath them as Maru had said then these seeds wouldn't bear fruit anyway. He smooths the freshly tilled earth, making a blank canvas, mirror smooth. “Computer. Display a star chart please for the Altair system.”

“Jin what are you doing?” Kame asks.

“Star Map located. What display resolution do you require?”

Jin pokes Kame. “Well?”

“Altair at the centre, with surrounding systems.” Kame breathes and turns to Jin, who repeats the command for the computer. “How?”

“Like this.” Jin pulls him to the side of the container, and presses his hands against soil. He moves behind Kame, looping his arms over Kame's and places his own hands over his and presses them together into the earth. “Like this. Tell me what to look for, and I'll show you.”

“Jinius,” Kame whispers and Jin groans at the pun, and Kame feels his stomach turning over. “Put Altair in the centre.”

Jin presses their hands into the centre of the container. “Altair,” he breathes.

“Star Map. Altair centred. Surrounding systems displayed. Do you wish to proceed?”

“Wait,” Jin commands, and together they recreate the star map in the earth. Jin checks the positions from the map, they don't need to be precise, but Kame needs an idea of where they are, a way to visualise the spatial map. Kame is remembering, shifting, checking where systems align and where they sit, and then suddenly he stops. 

“There. What planet is there?”

Jin looks, counts across and asks the computer.

“Tengoku,” is the answer. Paradise.

Kame turns in Jin's arms, laughing, happy and embraces him. Jin smiles down at him, unseen, but happy to see the joy on Kame's face. Kame throws his arms around Jin's neck and pulls his head down, kisses him eagerly and happily, soft lips curving into a smile, delighted laughter spilling from him in waves. Jin clutches him close, kisses him back, and tries valiantly to seem normal and happy and friendly and not completely overjoyed and overwhelmed.

“That's it. Tengoku. We go to Tengoku.”

“Why?” Jin asks, and Kame pulls back slightly to smirk at him.

“Tengoku is small and self sufficient, and is a military base, under the command of an old friend. He will help us.”

“Kame, it's been eight years, things might have changed, we don't know...”

“And maybe they haven't. Obviously we get the computer to check whether there is any updated information, but I can tell you that if Koichi Doumoto is still in charge of that base we will be safe, and we will be connected.”

“Doumoto?” Jin tries to breathe as the word gets caught in his chest.

“Admiral Doumoto. He can be trusted, he's an old friend. He put together a group of cadets in the Academy, called us KAT-TUN. They named this ship after us. They let him transfer there. He will help us, I know it!”

Jin swallows the lump in his throat. “If you are sure,” he starts.

“I'm sure. Computer, find General Nakamaru. Please ask him to come to the Bioarena. Tell him we have found a destination for evacuation.” 

Kame slides his arms around Jin's shoulders and hugs him once more, then gives him a few slaps on the back. “We can do this, it will work, it will work.” He grins up at Jin, then turns in his arms, and pulls them hard around himself, tows him the few steps back to the container. “Show me again, please. Let's check it.”

Jin leans against him, surrounds him and Kame enjoys it as he feels the way Jin stretches with him as they trace the map, starting at Altair, working outwards to Tengoku, pointing out the route and skymarks as they go. Kame's hair is soft against Jin's cheek, he can feel Jin's breath brush his skin, his hands are warm, his arms are strong, and for a moment a wave of longing so strong washes over him that he feels dizzy.

“Kame?” Jin sounds worried. “Kame, what's wrong?”

Kame realises he is trembling, tremors in his hands, his legs. He tries to steady them but they shudder more and more violently. He tries to concentrate on the map in front of him, but the soil seems to move underneath his hands, and Jin's hands are heavy on his, and he can't breathe.

“Kazu-chan!” 

Jin's shaking him now, no..he's the one shaking. He's shuddering, and Jin is turning him around, to face him, his arms steady and anchoring and Jin pulls him close. Holds him still. Tries to. He can't stop shaking, his teeth are chattering and Jin's pulled his head in to rest against his neck, Jin's hand cradling his head gently, while the other arm is tight around his waist. Kame tries to speak, tell him what's happening, but he can't. 

He can hear Jin yelling at the Computer, yelling for Junno, for someone to help, but he's shaking too badly to concentrate. His hands fist in Jin's uniform jacket, his knees give way, and by the time he's laying on the floor, cradled in Jin's arms, he is unconscious.

**

Jin sits quietly beside the medical bed, his eyes resting on Kame's face. Kame's asleep now, or seems to be, his face soft and relaxed, and the machine tracking his vital signs is quiet and pulses a soft light in time with his heart beat.

It had taken Junno and Ryo working together to pry Kame's fingers off his jacket. Junno had quickly scanned him, checked the results and deemed it exhaustion. Junno and Ryo had carried him to the medical bay, while he had explained as quickly as possible to Maru and Ueda about Altair, shown them the star map on the soil bed, compared it to the one the computer had generated. 

They had agreed that it was worth a shot. Ueda thought there was enough juice left in the engines to get them close to the system, and the closer they were the less risk that a message would be intercepted. Maru looked happy almost, as he told Jin that Doumoto had not attended the jubilee celebrations as he was still silently protesting what had been done, all those years ago. Koichi Doumoto knew what had happened, and he didn't support it.

“I thought he was on board with it,” Jin had protested. “He said he understood!”

“He did understand,” Maru said gently. “He just didn't agree with it. He came close to being court martialled for insubordination. He demanded to know where you had been assigned, and it was only because Tsuyoshi Doumoto was able to report back that you were being treated well and your identity was secure that he let it go. Kamenashi knew what she was doing, even though we questioned it. She kept you both safe.”

Jin had run his hands through his hair in frustration. “It was the only way. It was for the best. They said it was... and Kazu...”

“It was, it really was at the time,” Ueda agreed. “It was the only way to save your careers. The thing is Jin, watching what it did to Kame-chan is impossible to describe. He turned it around and around in his head, refused to accept it, and bottled it up and never let us see how he was struggling. Koki pushed and pushed and pushed and he finally broke through Kame's defences. He accused Kame of not caring about the rest of us, and that you didn't deserve his devotion and Kame broke his nose. Junno patched him up quietly, but it took them years to become friends again.”

“It's time to tell him Jin,” Maru had added. “The old reasons don't count any more.”

“What if he hates me?” Jin's voice was tiny. “I lied to him.”

“What have you got left to lose?” Ueda asked. “This is your best chance.”

Finally they let him go, and he had rushed here to the medical bay and now sat quietly , fingers twisted around each other as he waited, watched as Junno ran a full set of tests. Beside him, Ryo was quiet and perceptive.

Finally, Junno places his scanner down and turns towards them. “He's fine. It's just exhaustion, and he overdid it without realising.” Jin opens his mouth to explain again that Kame had just started shaking and then collapsed right in front of him, but Junno interrupted him. “He has no energy reserves, and his system is under additional strain as he tries to accommodate his loss of sight. He just overexerted himself and needs rest.”

“He said he was fine, he said he trained as a Star Rider to cope without sight.” 

Junno looks a little guilty. “Normally when a Star Rider is put through that training, I am also monitoring them more closely and have added a regimen of drugs which allows production of extra enzymes, hormones and adrenalin to help. We take one thing away and then help the body to compensate for it.” He points at Ryo. “That is how you had any voice left after your training, I was worried that you had stripped your vocal chords raw trying to speak.” 

Ryo glares. “I still haven't forgiven you for that.”

“Maybe you should ask forgiveness from the person who suggested it, rather than blaming me? After all it was a royal suggestion.” Junno grins. “Get it?”

“No.”

Junno sighs. “Royal.”

Ryo sighs. “What?” Junno grins at him and pretends to place a crown on his head, and then Ryo freezes. “He didn't.”

“You should ask him.”

Ryo stands up then remembers. “Will you be ok here?” he asks Jin softly.

Jin nods. “He's sleeping. I'll stay with him.”

“You have to tell him.” Ryo leans in. “He needs to hear it and soon.”

“How do I even start?”

Ryo doesn't have an answer to that, and all he can do is nod at Jin as he leaves.

“Will he be able to see again?” Jin asks.

“I honestly don't know,” Junno says soberly. “I can't operate on him here, we don't have the supplies or the expertise. If we can get off this ship, get him to Tengoku then there is a chance. At best, there is a chance. Now though, he needs sleep.” 

Junno is right, Kame is sleeping, but he's not just dreaming. He's also remembering.

**  
 _Every Academy cadet knew that there was one particular night when their dress uniform had to be perfect. Obviously, graduations and presentations and assemblies and other official events required full dress uniform, but there was one particular day, at the start of their final year when they were allowed off Academy grounds to attend the New Years Celebrations in the City. They were allowed to dance, and party and watch the fireworks, eat the food, sip champagne, skate on the ice rink, ride the ferris wheel, anything that the City offered they were allowed to do, provided that they behaved appropriately. Charges of conduct unbecoming would be laid against any transgressors._

_Kame carefully pinned the golden stars to his lapels and checked his reflection._

_A low whistle behind him, caused him to strike a pose and then turn, laughing._

_Hitoshi grinned at him, and then held out his own golden stars. “Care to give me a hand?”_

_Kame raised an eyebrow. “I'm not sure you deserve them if you can't put them on yourself.”_

_“Kaaaaaaame!” Hitoshi whined in protest._

_“Fine!” Kame reached up and pinned them to his collar, then innocently patted the collarbones underneath. Hitoshi didn't disappoint him as he squealed in fright at the unexpected touch. “You are going to have to get used to that if we are going to be Star Riders, you know.”_

_“Or my best friend could choose to not use my secret fears against me,” Hitoshi complained. “Just for that, tonight we are going on the ferris wheel. No complaints.”_

_“You know I hate heights!”_

_“Then think of it as training for being a Star Rider. If the word Star is in the title, it's a bit ridiculous to be scared of heights.”_

_Kame couldn't argue about that. Maybe if he could get over that fear, there would be nothing stopping him conquering that other fear that held him back; the fear that Hitoshi would reject his feelings._

_The ferris wheel was huge. Much larger than he thought it would be when he had agreed to the plan. It was going to take them close to an hour to make two revolutions. Hitoshi had been smirking at him for the half hour they had been waiting in line, but there was no way he was going to back out. He was kind of correct, a Star Rider shouldn't be afraid of heights, he just wasn't sure that forcing himself onto the ferris wheel was going to work._

_As they edged nearer and nearer he felt his stomach start to tie itself in knots, and he was very glad that his white gloves hid the fact that his palms were getting sweaty._

_“Excuse me?”_

_Hitoshi and Kame turned to see two pretty young ladies standing behind them in the line, one in a clinging red dress and wig, and even her lips and nails matched them in flaming scarlet. The other was equally resplendent in a matching blue ensemble with electric blue lipstick and nails. Lady Red smiled at them, and Kame shifted a little closer to Hitoshi. “Would you mind if we rode the ferris wheel with you? My friend here is a little nervous about heights, and I think we would feel safer if we were in the same carriage as you two gentleman.”_

_Lady Blue gave a shy smile and ducked her head. “Please?” she asked hopefully._

_Kame stared at them, not looking at Hitoshi, who he knew would agree. Hitoshi had a soft streak a mile wide, and whether it was kittens, children, or girls, he would help without thinking of the consequences._

_“Ok with you Kame?” Hitoshi asked, and Kame started, as it was the last thing he was expecting._

_He licked his lips and forced a smile, the one that fooled most people. He could play the role of charming Academy cadet whenever the game required. “Sure. I'm Kazuya Kamenashi and this is Hitoshi Akanishi. Nice to meet you. What's your name?”_

_Another twenty minutes passed happily enough, the girls were amusing company but the nearer that they got to the front of the line, the closer he inched towards Hitoshi. Lady Red had been creeping closer as well, giggling about matching him so well, and Hitoshi had smiled and laughed and charmed her. Lady Blue was flirting determinedly with him, and Kame had tried to humour but not encourage._

_Finally they had reached the front and the glass carriage was waiting for them, door open. “Ready?” Hitoshi asked and stretched out a hand to Kame, who grasped it reflexively._

_Lady Blue looked at Lady Red, then lunged forward and kissed Kame on the lips. She was gone before he could react, calling “Sorry!” over her shoulder as the two of them melted into the night._

_Hitoshi hissed, “Come on!” at him and dragged him into carriage._

_The first part of the revolve was ok, he was close to the ground, and Hitoshi was talking to him and everything was ok, and then it started to climb and he was fine on starships because you couldn't see the ground retreating but here he could and it was high, too high, and then Hitoshi had pushed his head down between his knees and told him to breathe. Kame concentrated on breathing, felt his pulse dial back from thundering to elevated, and then Hitoshi let him sit up._

_In all that time, Kame never let go of his hand._

_Hitoshi looked at him and frowned, searched his pockets and came up empty. He sighed and finally scrubbed the palm of his right hand over Kame's mouth._

_“What the hell?” Kame sputtered._

_“You have blue lipstick on your mouth,” Hitoshi said flatly._

_“Thank you,” Kame replied. He saw the mess that it had made of Hitoshi's glove. “Sorry about your glove.”_

_Hitoshi shrugged. “I'd rather have a messed up glove, than see you written up for conduct unbecoming.”_

_Kame blushed. “She kissed me!”_

_“I saw.”_

_“I didn't ask her to.”_

_Hitoshi didn't look at him. “You seemed to be getting on very well.”_

_Kame's pulse was still elevated, and now his stomach was back to turning somersaults and he couldn't believe that Hitoshi was accusing him of that! “I did not encourage her!”_

_“You didn't stop her either.” Hitoshi's tone was a little hurt._

_“Why the hell would I kiss her when all I want to do is to kiss you?” Kame asked and then slapped a hand over his mouth, because there was no way he had meant to say it that bluntly._

_Hitoshi stared at him then dropped Kame's hand from his. “Fine.”_

_Kame licked his lips and didn't move from his seat. “Fine what?”_

_“You don't have to mock me.”_

_“I'm not?”_

_Hitoshi wouldn't look at him, and Kame was at a loss as they reached the top of the revolution, and he looked outside which he shouldn't have done because then he realised where they were, and then he was sitting on the floor of the carriage shaking, and then Hitoshi was pulling him onto the seat and telling him to breathe._

_“Open your eyes.”_

_“Can't.''_

_“Kazu-chan, open your eyes.”_

_He did then closed them again. Then opened them again and gazed at Hitoshi._

_He was so pretty. His hair was all shiny. Black. And soft, and there was a slight wave on the ends of the strands as they curled on his shoulders, and he really wanted to run his fingers through it._

_His mouth. His lips were red, and soft and full, and he wanted to run his thumb over that plump bottom lip. So he did._

_Hitoshi stared at him._

_His eyes were so pretty as well. Dark chocolate and rich and bright and sparkly, and he wanted to touch them. So he did._

_“Kame?” Hitoshi sounded very uncertain._

_There was the most adorable looking beauty mark, right there. Kame brushed the hair back from his face, and focused on it. Small, black, it somehow increased the attractiveness of his skin, rather than marring it. He touched his tongue gently to it. Then to the skin around it. His skin was flawless, smooth and soft and clean shaven. He bit Hitoshi's chin gently._

_“Kazu?” Hitoshi whispered._

_“Shhhh,” Kame answered dreamily and kissed him deeply. “This is nice,” he sighed, and then kissed him again, this time seeking entrance to his mouth, and Hitoshi answered in kind, parting his lips and allowing Kame to slide deeper._

_Kame crawled closer, crowded Hitoshi into the corner, and slid his hands under the jacket to caress his shoulders. “You feel really nice.” He nuzzled against Hitoshi's neck, and pressed a gentle kiss under his right ear. “Your ears are pierced right?” He hummed against Hitoshi's neck and giggled as Hitoshi shifted underneath him. “I want to give you a present.”_

_He shuffled back onto his heels and admired the view of a now mussed Hitoshi spread out by him, for him, in front of him. “I want to give you a turtle.” He laughed. “I'm a turtle. You can have me later. Or I can have you. Either way works for me. Not now though. Now you get another turtle.” He giggled._

_“Kazu? What's wrong?” Hitoshi asked._

_“Nothing, Bakanishi. Nothing. I need to give you a turtle.” Kame's hand shook as he fumbled with his left ear. “We give turtles when we care. We are Kamenashi, so turtles. See?” He held up the silver turtle earring he had managed to remove. “Will you wear my turtle?”_

_“Yes,” Hitoshi whispered. “Kazu-chan I'll wear your turtle, but...”_

_“Correct answer!” Kame interrupted happily, and leant down, brushed Hitoshi's hair back from his ear and huffed gently. Hitoshi reacted very nicely to that, and Kame did it again just to see it again. “Here. Turtles!” He threaded the post through Hitoshi's right ear and added the clasp. “Now everyone will know how I feel about you.” He smiled at Hitoshi, and Hitoshi smiled back, because Kame's joy was contagious. “There! Conquered both my fears. Heights and rejection.” He settled himself a little more firmly against Hitoshi. “Now you know.” He grinned down at him. “Can I lick your collarbones now?” He pressed his face against Hitoshi's neck in anticipation._

Kame shifted restlessly on the bed. That was the end of the memory. That was all he ever dreamed. Why wasn't he waking up now? He didn't want to remember the rest, he'd always been grateful that he didn't know the details, didn't have to see Hitoshi actually die.

_Hitoshi pushed him away. “Kazu-chan, you are burning up. What's wrong?”_

_“Nothing's wrong, I just need to feel you. Come back.” Kame pouted._

_Hitoshi stripped off a glove._

_“That's the idea!” Kame crowed, and then pouted as Hitoshi pressed his hand against his forehead._

_“You are sick.”_

_“I'm not, I know exactly what I am doing.” He thought hard. What had he been doing? Right. “Collarbones. I was going to do your collarbones.”_

_“How many fingers am I holding up?” Hitoshi asked._

_“Why do I care?” Kame pouted. “You are ruining my confession.”_

_“I want your confession,” Hitoshi said, his voice thick, tight and worried. “I want your turtles, I want you.”_

_“Then come back!”_

_“Your pupils are dilated. Your skin is flushed. You have a fever.”_

_“Bakanishi that's called arousal.”_

_“Not when you are also sweating, can't focus on nearby or distant objects, are behaving irrationally and could barely unclasp your earring.”_

_“Shut up,” said Kame sulkily._

_“Add weird mood swings,” Hitoshi muttered. How many fingers?”_

_“Why do I care?” Kame smashed his hand against the glass. “Come here! I just want you!” He pounded the glass again, but this time his hand actually sailed through the pane, and shattered glass rained down on them. He pulled back, and didn't seem to notice that his hand was bleeding, or that he was clutching a large shard of glass._

_“Kazuya!”_

_“What did you to my Hitoshi?” Kame looked around. “My Hitoshi said he liked turtles. He accepted turtles. What did you do with him?”_

_“Kazu, put that down.” Hitoshi eyed him warily. “I'm right here, Kazu. Put that glass down. Please.”_

_“Hitoshi! Hitoshi!” Kame called angrily, then rounded on the only other passenger he could see. “What have you done with him?”_

_“Kazu, calm the fuck down and give me the glass.” As soon as he said it, Hitoshi realised his mistake._

_“Don't call me Kazu! Only Hitoshi can call me that. What have you done with him! Tell me!” Kame crept closer, and Hitoshi scrambled back on the seat. “Where is he?”_

_“Kame, it's me!”_

_“Liar!” Kame swung the glass at him and Hitoshi stumbled across the carriage. Kame jumped him, and Hitoshi wrestled him back, pushed him onto the other seat, but couldn't keep him pinned. Kame was enraged, strength fuelled from somewhere dark, and he lashed out, and caught Hitoshi across the face, carving his cheek open with the shard of glass._

_Hitoshi staggered back, as the blood streamed down his face and the pain racked him._

_“Give him back!” Kame was screaming now. “Give him back to me!” He waved the glass and then put the shard against his own throat. “What have you done to him?”_

_Hitoshi took a deep breath and pushed through the pain and the blood. He managed to get his arms around Kame, even as he struggled against him, and finally into a choke hold. He pressed down, felt Kame struggles die slowly as he lost access to oxygen, and finally Kame went limp in his arms._

Jin sees his eyes open, so he knows Kame is awake. Kame doesn't move though, stays very still and quiet like he's pretending to be asleep, so he doesn't speak and pretends not to have noticed either. He just watches and waits.

Kame blinks. Once. Again.

Then he stretches out his right hand, searching for something, patting across the bed, along the edge, until he finds Jin's knee. Then up, until he finds his hand. Kame fingers run over his own, then they lace with his. Kame sits up, turns towards him, and yanks hard, pulling Jin towards his bed. 

“Sit,” Kame orders. Jin does, and before he can ask any questions, Kame says, “Don't talk.”

Jin doesn't, but he has a bad feeling about this.

Kame lets go of his hand, and this time, he uses both hands to pat along his arms, up over his shoulders. Suddenly he presses sharply on his collarbones, and Jin flinches back, barely managing to stop the squeal from erupting. Kame nods, then his hands are on Jin's throat, stroking, measuring, and then he zeroes in on his right ear. As his fingers find the small silver earring, Jin realises and tries to pull away, but it's too late. Kame is rolling his fingers over the turtle earring, and Jin can't read the expression on his face.

“Kazu?” he whispers.

Kame brushes both hands over his forehead, and then methodically strokes, and Jin knows he is using his fingers to paint a picture, using the information he already knows and what he can feel now to create an image of his face. His forehead, his jaw line, his eyes, his mouth and finally his cheekbones. Kame's fingers are gentle as they follow the line of scar tissue on his right cheek, feels the way it twists under his eye and lengthens, then disappears beside his mouth.

He knows.

Kame knows.

A tear slides down Kame's cheek, and Jin realises that Kame is crying.

“Kazu-chan?” he whispers, and Kame shakes his head.

“What did I do to you?”

Jin reaches for him and wipes the tear away. “Kazu-chan.”

“How could I do that to you?”

Kame's fingers are still tracing the scar, and Jin's not sure exactly what Kame knows or how he knows, but Kame is tracing his fingers over his face. He knows. He knows who Jin is.

“Hitoshi.”

Jin nods.

Kame pulls away, and Jin goes after him, enfolding him in a close embrace, even as Kame tries to fight his way free.

“Let go.”

“Never again.”

“Let me go, please. What did I do to you?” Kame is still struggling and Jin tightens his embrace, determined to wait him out “I … I didn't mean to. I didn't know. I couldn't remember.”

Jin holds him close and presses a kiss to his temple. “It doesn't matter.”

“It does! It matters. I tried to kill you, oh god why did I do that ...” Kame is struggling, and this time Jin allows him to get an arm free, and winces as Kame's fingers find his scar again. Kame is staring up at him, and Jin feels for a moment that Kame can see straight into his soul. “How could I do that to you when I loved you?” 

The horror on his face pierces Jin, and all he wants to do is hold Kame but he knows Kame needs to hear why. Jin pushes down on his shoulders. “What do you remember?” he asks. “I can tell you've remembered something, but what exactly do you remember?”

“They told me you were dead. I swear, if I had known you were alive I would have ... Oh god, I tried to kill you ... How are you alive? They told me you were dead. I didn't kill you. Why did they lie?” 

“Jin?”

Jin looks across the room and sees Junno watching him warily. He raises a hand as if asking does Jin need help with this, and Jin shakes his head vehemently. No. He can handle this. He will handle this. Junno turns and heads back into his office, but leaves the door open.

“Tell me what you remember from that night, Kazu. I'll tell you the rest.” He runs his hand soothingly over his forehead. “It will be ok.” From somewhere deep inside, a laugh escapes. “For the first time in years I actually believe it maybe will be ok.” He stoops down and presses a kiss to Kame's cheek.

“It was New Years. You had challenged me to go on the Ferris wheel to get over my fear of heights. I got on the Ferris wheel with you. I confessed my feelings for you.” Kame flushes, and Jin strokes a gentle finger over his red cheek. “I ... I kissed you. I gave you my turtle earring. That's what I normally remember.” Kame's hand creeps up to check, and Jin smiles as his fingers trace the small silver turtle. 

“Yes I still wear it,” Jin says, and Kame flushes again as he realises that Jin is really speaking the truth about that and possibly other things. “Now keep going.”

“The next bit, is new. I have never remembered it before, and I don't know where it came from. It's new. I … I fought you. I was screaming at you, and the glass broke, and I did that.” Kame closes his eyes. “I cut you. There was blood everywhere, and then you held me down and choked me and I don't remember anything else.”

Jin nods, and picks up Kame's hand. “Yes. You cut me. I put you in a choke hold, so you couldn't hurt me or yourself anymore.” He strokes his thumb gently over Kame's wrist. “I was so scared.”

“I hurt you.”

“It wasn't your fault.”

“I cut your face open!” Kame tries to pull away and Jin holds on firmly. “Who does that to someone they love?”

“Someone who doesn't mean to do it.” Jin says, and waits for that to sink in. “It wasn't your fault, you weren't thinking straight. But now you can, please, Kazu. Think. How could that happen, and how can it match up with what they told you happened? Think Kame, there has to be more. A reason. Believe me.”

“I woke up in hospital.” Kame is fumbling over his words, searching his memory. “My mother was standing beside my bed, and she had been crying. She told me there had been an accident on the Ferris wheel and that people had died. She said you kept me safe, but that you had died looking after me. She said you sacrificed yourself so I could live. You saved me and I had to make sure that my life was better because of that.” Kame licks his lips. “She lied to me. She lied.”

“She lied because she loved you. Kame, you have to believe me when I say that. She lied because she loved you. I love you. It was the only way to keep you safe.” Jin laces his fingers with Kame's. “You might hate me when I tell you this. I hope you don't, but you might. I swear to you Kazu, I loved you then, and I love you now. Can you please remember that? Please?”

“What did you do?” Kame sounds so tired, and hopeless and spent that Jin isn't sure whether to continue or not, but he knows that Kame deserves the truth. All of it. Starting with that night.

“Do you remember the girls?” he asked. “The ones in red and blue. The one in blue kissed you.”

“I remember,” Kame says flatly.

“The one in blue drugged you. Her lipstick was laced with an illegal compound that caused paranoia, hostility, disorientation, rage, confusion, loss of inhibition, basically you name it, it was there. It was lucky that she barely touched you. If you had ingested any more, it wouldn't have mattered how hard my choke hold was, I wouldn't have been able to hold you down.”

“Why would they do that? We'd never seen them before! That makes no sense.”

“The girls were only pawns. Your mother tracked them down, and they didn't realise the scope of it. They were employed to find us, flirt with us and get us to ride the Ferris wheel with them. They were meant to seduce us, distract us with kisses and flirtation, and then when we emerged from the Ferris wheel they would disappear and the next thing we knew, lies and accusations would be in the tabloids, and they agreed to do it because they thought they were making you pay for having broken a young girls heart.” Jin catches Kame's hand and is quietly relieved when he doesn't shake his grip away. “The blue girl apparently really was scared of heights, and they thought we were cute and nice and it was unfair to ruin our careers. What they didn't know was that the lipstick given to them was drugged. Or what it would do to you. And them.” Jin ran his hand over Kame's cheek and combed his fingers through his hair. “Junno tested what was left in your bloodstream and what was on my glove. The concentration was really high. If she had kept kissing you, it would have acted faster and more violently. The four of us would have been trapped in that glass carriage, and you would have been unstoppable. You would have killed all of us. The mess would have been horrific and because it was so public, there would have been no hiding it.”

Kame is pale, and he looks like he wants to vomit. “Why? Who hated me that much?”

“It wasn't just about you specifically. It was about your family. Your profile was rising as a cadet and your Mother had been placed in charge of the Celestial Defence Forces. Some people along the Shadow Rim were not happy about that, so it was to discredit you and your family.”

“But …” Kame shakes his head. “But if that didn't happen … why did they tell me you died?”

“They still managed to drug you,” Jin says evenly. “Conduct unbecoming an officer. That was an offence warranting dismissal. Even if we could prove that you didn't know …” Jin hesitates, then forces the words out. “Even if you didn't know, you still attacked me. You cut my cheek open. You attacked a fellow cadet. That is also an offence warranting dismissal. If I stayed, it had to be investigated and your mother would either have to ultimately agree with your dismissal from the Academy or show you favoritism and allow you to stay. Either way, it would have been a political scandal and we couldn't allow that to happen. Not when she was so close to the presidential nomination. Not when she was doing so much good for the Alliance.”

“So she sacrificed her own son's best friend to further her own political goals?” Kame asks savagely. “She makes me believe that you are dead because it was more convenient?”

“No!” Jin shakes him slightly. “She found a way to keep us both alive, and in the Forces and safe. She found a way to give you your dream to be a Star Rider when everything else was stacked against you achieving that. She did the best she could in a fucked up situation, Kazu-chan.”

“She took you away from everything! What about what you wanted?”

“I wanted you to be safe.”

“I could have been safe with you.”

“No. Once they worked out that you were her vulnerability it would never have stopped.”

“So you left me.”

“There wasn't a choice, Kazu. I loved you, and I wanted to be with you, but not at the cost of lives.”

Kame snorts.

“It's true! If I had stayed, you would have been kicked out of the Academy, your mother would never have become President and all the good she and her associates could have done would have been lost. So many good things wouldn't have happened. She made things better for so many people, Kazu.”

“And we saw today how well that turned out. Nothing like destroying a planet to show how well you are doing!”

“They killed her because of it, yes, but you know as well as I do that the Shadow Rim have been attacking us for over two hundred years Kazu-chan. Who could have guessed that they were willing to destroy the entire planet or that they had the capability?” Kame shakes his head in denial and Jin snaps. “Do you really think I haven't spent every day regretting it and wishing it was different? Do you think it was easier for me? Knowing that you were out there, and that you thought I was dead? I wanted to be there beside you, and I couldn't. I thought it was the only way.” He took a deep breath. “I'm sorry Kazuya, but I still think it was the only way.”

“You let me think you were dead.”

“Yes.”

“I cried for you. I grieved for you. I missed you every single day.”

“So did I Kazu.”

“But not enough to tell me the truth?”

“Kazu that is not fair.”

“Neither is the way you lied to me, and to everyone else ...” Kame stops. “Who knew? Who knew that you were still alive? Everyone called you Jin.”

Jin flinches and looks guilty, and Kame senses it.

“Who?”

“Not everyone. Just the people who needed to know.” Jin says. “Your mother. The Domoutos, they got me off planet and onto a frigate and kept me safe. Tackey helped get us away from the Ferris wheel and into a hospital without the media discovering it. Ryo and Pi knew because your mother told them when they investigated my death for you. They wanted more answers for you.” Jin bit his lip. Now came the hard part. “And the others knew.”

The look on Kame's face as he makes the connection causes Jin to step back.

“You told everyone else in KAT-TUN except me?”

“Yes.” Jin tries to explain, but Kame interrupts him.

“You bastard.”

“Please, Kame. Listen. They had to know. They had to know so they could keep you safe. They needed to know what the stakes were, and what people were willing to do to get to you. I wanted … I wanted them to know that I did care, that I didn't just run away.”

“And is there anything else that you have been keeping from me for my own good?”

Jin bites his lip, and even if Kame can't see his face, he somehow knows. He knows there is more.

“Tell me.”

“I'm not who you think I am,” he starts, and Kame flinches away so violently that Jin rushes to clarify, “Wait! I am the same person that I was back then. I just meant, damn it. My name is really Jin Akanishi, not Hitoshi. Hitoshi was a mistake, they misread my name at the Academy because they were unfamiliar with the kanji reading my family used and I didn't realise until later, and by then you were calling me that, and I liked it, and I didn't want to correct you. I'm also...two years older than you. I was sent back to the Academy to protect you. Your family had been receiving threats, and your mother requested it, and they chose me.”

“So you were never my friend.” The hurt in that statement cuts Jin as deeply as the glass once had.

“I was always your friend,” he says fiercely. “I resented the fact that they made me repeat two years, I resented the fact that I was not consulted, but I never resented you. We were friends because you walked in that first day and smiled at me and something inside me said I wanted you in my life forever. Something in me recognised you, knew you were important, Kazu, that's why we were friends. They said I couldn't tell you, and I listened, and I never regretted that more. I should have told you, but I trusted them and it was a mistake.” Jin presses a kiss onto Kame's cheek but Kame turns his head away. 

“Don't touch me.”

“Kazu.”

“Leave me alone.”

“I love you.”

“If you really loved me, you would never have lied to me.”

Jin has no answer to that beyond the only truth he knows. “I love you.”

“Not enough to trust me. Not enough to fight for me. Not enough to be with me.”

“Only enough to do whatever it takes to keep you safe. Only enough to give you up so you can have your dream. Only enough that I spend every day wanting to be with you and wishing the past was different and my only consolation is that you were happy and it was the right thing to do.”

“For who?”

“For everyone I thought. I don't know anymore Kazu-chan.” Jin eyes him wearily. “I can't make you believe me. I can't change the past Kazuya. I can only tell you that I spent every day wanting to be with you, and that I want to spend the rest of my life beside you.” Jin stands up. “ I love you. If you can't forgive me, please at least believe me that I loved you then, and I love you now.” 

He places his hand on Kame's cheek, and Kame pushes him away.

Jin nods. “I understand.” He removes the turtle earring, places it on Kame's pillow and silently walks out of the medical bay.

Junno gives Kame three minutes solitude before he asks him why he isn't following Jin.

“He lied to me!” Kame says. “You all did.”

“Yes.” Junno nods. “We did. It was the only thing we could do at the time.”

Kame waves him away in a clear dismissal, and Junno grabs his shoulders. “Now you listen to me Kazuya Kamenashi. I was there when the Ferris wheel stopped. I saw what you had done to him. I saw how he had hold of you, how he was repeating your name and begging you to be alright, and how scared he was that he had hurt you. He was ready to tell people that he attacked you and you reacted in self defence. He never wanted to go, he tried to find another way, but there wasn't one. If he stayed you would have been kicked out of the Academy. It wouldn't have mattered that it wasn't your fault. You would have been kicked out and he would have stayed and please, Kame, please tell me that you could have accepted that? I know you, he knows you and it would have eaten away at you. With the best will in the world, the injustice would have destroyed you.”

“We could have both left. We could have done something else!” Kame says, and Junno laughs.

“Like what? Make bottle caps? Grow vegetables? Open a vineyard somewhere until the Shadow rim colonists decided to try again, and this time they actually manage to kill Jin and blame you and use that instead?” Junno sees the reaction, and begins to hope. “Yes Kame, there was a reason why they gave him a new name. He was a target too. He was the easiest way to get to you. Your mother wanted to protect you both. She chose the harder road for you both, but she also found a way to keep you both safe. It would have been easier for her to blame Jin. Accuse him of giving you the drug, accuse him of attacking you. He would have been kicked out as an example, she could have painted you as the victim. She didn't. She found a way to keep you both alive, and as independent as she could.”

“And apart.”

“Yes. Apart … and if you think about it, maybe it was the only way you could have been brought back together as well. Go after him Kazu. As long as I've known you both, I've never questioned your belonging together. I could have healed that scar you know. It would have been possible. He refused to let me, and I could tell it was because he needed it to remind him of why it was important to stay apart. You can make mistakes, you both have in the past and you will again, but how much worse is it now, given the situation we are in, to allow past mistakes to take away any happiness you could have in this world?”

Junno catches the look of uncertainty on Kame's face and suddenly understands. “In his own way he chose you. Even back then, he chose the way you could be happiest, even though it meant being without him. If he fought it, you would never have made Star Rider, you know that as well as I do. That was your dream, you told us that often enough. He has always wanted you to be happy. The question is, can you forgive him now and make him happy?”

Junno holds his breath and hopes.

“Where is he?”

“I don't know.”

Kame slips off the bed. “I need to find him.” 

Junno smiles. “Yes.”

“Computer, locate Jin Akanishi. Directions to his location please.”

**

Jin had walked out of the medical bay in a haze. He is still walking. Aimless, directionless, just walking. He could manage to put one foot in front of the other. He could do that until he worked out a way to make Kame trust him again.

He rounds a corner and is presented with a choice. Left or Right. It didn't really matter. Left. He takes one step forward and then realises there is someone behind him. He turns and Kame runs into him, hard, and drives the air out of his lungs.

“Found you,” he says. Kame wraps his arms around him.

Jin looks at him uncertainly. “Yes?” he answers.

“If you love me, that's the most important thing,” Kame says.

“I do?” Jin says. “No wait, that's not a question. I do. Love you. I mean.”

“I love you too.” The determination in Kame's voice is clear. “If I love you and you love me, then that's the point of it. We make the decisions now. Together.”

Jin feels the breath leave his lungs again. “You forgive me?”

Kame nods. “I love you. I forgive you. I am still angry. It will take me a while to stop being angry.” Hr brushes the scar on Jin's cheek. “If you can forgive me for this, then surely I can forgive you.”

Nodding, Jin pulls him closer. “Anything I need to do to help with that, you just let me know.” 

Kame nods solemnly and brushes Jin's hair back from his right ear. “You can start with never giving this back to me again.” He carefully replaces the turtle earring, fingers gently searching against Jin's skin.

Jin smiles. “Thank you.” He presses his cheek against Kame's and whispers, “I would have missed having my kame-chan with me all the time.”

“Maybe I should take it back then, and cuff you to me instead?” Kame asks.

“I already said you can have whatever you want,” Jin answers. He leans down and captures Kame's mouth with his own in a kiss that promises them both a future that would be happier than the past. 

“Attention. Attention. An irregularity has been detected in the hyperspace drive. The core has become unstable. All crew are advised to evacuate immediately. Please report to the escape pods on Deck A immediately.”

Jin slumps against the wall. “You have got to be kidding me.”

Kame pulls him up and links their arms. “Let's get out of here. Together. Tengoku awaits.”

Jin grins at him. “Together. Sounds like a plan.” He leans down and whispers in Kame's ear. “Although I think Tengoku might be wherever you are anyway.”

Kame grins at him, and this time Jin knows that whatever happens, they really will be together. At any cost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: The ferris wheel was not originally part of this story. I was telling a friend about this fic as we waited in line to ride a ferris wheel, and knowing I was writing a sci fic space fic, she dared me to include a ferris wheel somehow. So... I did.
> 
> This is a very very late posting for a fic written in 2012. I guess there might be a few more as I go through my files. I genuinely thought I had posted everything here on A03, but there seems to be a few missing. Apologies for the repost to anyone who has read it before, or for anyone who was hoping for Untamed or Guardian fic!


End file.
